But that's why we write Blogs....LMAO.

Second Question: “I worry about getting attacked while juggling groceries, kids, or other daily chores. What can I do to be safer during times when my attention is only half on my surroundings and half on not letting my kids out of my sight!” 

Part One: This question always hits home for me, as my wife spends a great deal of her time running around with our three going to the grocery, doctor, play dates and the like. This is another example of when pre-planning serves you extremely well and where situational awareness extends beyond the normal parameters of just watching for the boogie man.

Once again let’s not get too pre-occupied with the “stranger” scenario who attacks or tries to abduct the child. Although this fear is perfectly normal, if you’ve implemented all of the other Situational Awareness strategies for your groups’ safety, it’s going to be very hard to “steal” your child.

I’m excluding a woman parked in the lot a few mornings ago of the park where I was running, sitting in her min-van texting, with the rear sliding door open, and her four year old playing out on the playground alone. The distance between the Mother and the child had to be over 100 feet. Worst yet, she wasn’t even looking and didn’t notice me pass by her child on the way to the men’s restroom.

Her little girl ran to me for a hug!?!?!?! I told her firmly no, of course. But the women in the van didn’t even see the exchange….. You can imagine how infuriating this situation was for me! I wanted to walk up to this woman, bang as hard as I could on her van window and scare the shit out of her (and give her a card!).

Talk about a huge dose of Medenial.

And I’m not saying you shouldn’t be concerned with stranger attempted child abduction at all – just push it a little further down your list of concerns from where it probably currently resides. It is still much more likely to be someone that you already know who is intent on harming you or your child – not a stranger!

This is also one of those times when everyone will have an opinion, me included, and your common sense must dictate what will work best for you.

1  Depending on your kid’s ages you should make them part of the solution not part of the problem. We started discussing the fact that not all people are nice people with our three kids from a relatively early age. I’m not talking scare tactics for our then four year old (she’s now 8), just generalities.

And I’m not talking about giving her responsibilities either!

Rather an overview of what we considered to be the most likely circumstances she might face starting with her getting lost while we were out. Who would we want her to go to for help – who would you want your daughter to approach if she were lost? We decided long ago not to tell her to find a Policeman, for the simple reason that the officer’s uniforms look too similar to a security guard’s uniform from a kids point of view.

We opted for her to look for a woman with kids herself, in other words to a child, another Mother (and the most numerically likely candidate available to a child).

Five days after this discussion, guess what? We lost her at the Mall of Georgia on a Saturday afternoon a little after lunch.

Do you know how many kids run around screaming at the Mall food court??!!

We had been walking with my whole family who were visiting from out of town and everyone thought someone else was watching and it really did take just a second. She was “lost” for a little over ten minutes. That’s it. It was the longest ten minutes in history for us!

She had found another Mother, with kids of her own and latched on. The Mother did what we would have done if the roles were reversed. She contacted Mall management. 

At least ours was an honest mistake...what's their excuse?

She located a Mother, as she had been instructed to do, and then of course re-claimed by us safe and sound. The whole experience left us with barely the strength to keep plodding around the mall. I especially just needed to sit down and gather myself for a few minutes. How did that happen with our child???  Especially with me – I’m Mr. freaking security and I’d screwed up – BIG TIME!!

I was SO mad at myself I could barely speak. In fact I was majorly pissed off to be honest.

This is why I urge you to think beyond the normal “don’t talk to strangers” chat parents normally have with their kids.

As Gavin De Becker explains in his book, “Protecting the Gift”, how redundant is it to tell your own kids not to talk to strangers, yet when you yourself then go right out into the world and do what?  Yep, engage in conversation with strangers; it is much more beneficial long term for everyone if you would explain what to look out for from strangers. And then expand those parameters to include the familiar characters that move within your circle of trust.

My wife and I have the best kids. I know, of course, I’m biased. But they are confident, outgoing, happy and perfectly aware that the world isn’t perfect and that there are people who roam around freely with less than good intentions. The information we share with them doesn’t scare them into hiding under the bed. We don’t give the gory details and we don’t scare the crap out of them by making every conversation sound like the end of the world is nigh.  

Neither do we operate under the misguided notion that in not telling them about the realities of life we are somehow keeping them safe.

If you are ever fortunate enough to meet any of my kids and they introduce themselves to you, they will shake your hand, firmly, look you in the eye, and tell you their name. Actually, then they’ll most likely tell you their age, what toys they like to play with and if you happen to have any type of physical nuance beyond the norm they will inquire about it.

Women's situational awareness and self-defense seminars

What I’m trying to convey is that in teaching them the finer art of stranger evaluations we are giving them the courage and independent thought processes needed to keep them out of trouble, not so much now, because we are right behind them. But rather when they are out of sight, making choices about which of their acquaintances should become lifelong friends.

I know you might be wondering what this has to do with keeping them safe if you become a victim of attack while with them, but this whole thing is a process. And this is the first part. As you may recall at the beginning of this Blog, I stated that this was part one of my answer to the question about keeping safe while with your kids, so we shall continue on this subject for a couple more Blogs.

As always I welcome your comments and ideas, too. The more strategies we have written here for parents the better and safer we can all be, with and without our kids.

Cheers, Terry.

This is probably what I'll look like right before wandering off into the bush...

Hello mates!

Top-of-the-morning-to-ya.

Most of us are brought up to believe in humanity, in the same way as we are brought up to differentiate between right and wrong. Morality is important throughout our society. We are expected to want to rescue, help and save everyone, as if everyone was really worth saving…

Television shows reinforce this standard by highlighting the struggle between personality types during a crisis – it helps heighten the drama and thus the, “watch-ability” factor. The “good-guy” fights to save the rest. He struggles to convince the, “group” he has a plan, that he can get them all out safely…What a load of crap.

And what a waste of energy!

If you want to survive, don’t go wasting your valuable mental and physical resources on folks hell bent on doing things their way. Just let them go. Or better yet, you go.

Survival will boil down to common sense and your ability to remain calm and rational. Others will not be so blessed. Their idea of common sense and rational thought may differ greatly from yours – in fact, I would hasten to add you should count on that being the case.

If you and I were in a survival situation it’s not my style to start barking orders at the group, in some misguided attempt to make everyone realize what they might be doing is wrong.

In fact you might be somewhat surprised in not hearing much from me at all.

I’m much more likely to make a few quiet suggestions, and see who’s listening. I want to see which of the group has retained their ability to still think clearly and weigh up all the options.

If it becomes apparent to me that none of the group has retained that ability, or perhaps the person with the loudest voice has decided to take charge and leads the group off in the wrong direction, you will not see me again. I’ll quietly wander off into the “bush” and take care of myself, but thanks all the same…

Once you've made a decision, grow a couple and follow through; alone if need be.

If you know what you are thinking is right, makes complete sense, gives you the best chance of survival and you haven’t heard anything from anyone else around you to challenge that idea, then have the balls to follow your instincts.

You will have insufficient resources and energy to fight and recruit people that have already chosen to align themselves with the loudest mouth in the group. So don’t try. This is your chance to prove Darwin’s Selection theory in real time. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_selection

There is a scene in Gladiator, starring Russell Crowe, when he is about to be thrust into the Arena for the first time. The man in front of him begins urinating on himself in fear.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0172495/   

“Maximus” takes a step back distancing himself from the guy as he anticipates things not ending well for that man. You should do the same, both figuratively and literally, if your group appears to have lost its collective minds.

There are those out there that will have little or no control over their emotions. They lack the mental toughness necessary to persevere and overcome the situation.

They will want someone to save them. They will not be capable of saving themselves. They will not begin their survival journey by saying the Survivors Creed,

“I will live in the moment. I will hope for nothing. Provide for myself everything. Roll with the punches when adversity strikes and things don’t go my way. I will laugh at every available opportunity. Rescue, should it arrive, will be just a welcome interruption in my survival journey – nothing more.” – Terry Vaughan.

We will look at rules three four and five over the next few days and as always, I welcome your comments, emails and suggestions!

Cheers, Terry.

Hello gang, nice to be back and I hope you lot had a dandy weekend.

We are going to be having a look at a few close calls; a few, “I nearly died” incidents; even a few close calls that others have experienced and then see what benefit these brushes with the reaper can be to all of us.

I’ll start with one instance where we were deployed somewhere hot and sticky (Royal Marines) and had been tasked with putting on a firepower display using 51mm mortar. We were a small cog in a big wheel that day and our “out of the box” (straight out of Officer training at Commando training center) 2nd Lieutenant was keen as mustard to prove what he could do taking charge of our fire-team.  He was determined he could set a new record for the amount of H.E. (high explosive) rounds we could have airborne at the same time…

I wonder how many stupid mistakes have been made throughout history by someone trying to impress someone else and all for the wrong reasons? I’m going to be conservative and say probably just a few.

Anyhoow, we had set up the mortars, had opened several boxes of explosives and were now standing by to start dropping them in on an area about 600 meters away.

So far so good… 

The order to commence firing came over the radio and so it began. Three of us had a system that went something like this:

One man would pull the tape off the rounds (and extract the safety pin which was a bit like the pin used on hand grenades) before handing them to -

Man number 2 would then feed the round into the top of the mortar tube, before -

Man number three pulled the firing handle at the base of the tube, ”launching’ the projectile down range – tadaaa!

Normal rate of fire for these things is 6 – 8 rounds per minute. Accept if you’re a new officer ready to re-invent the wheel. This guy thought that if he harassed us enough we could send enough of these things into the air it would be as if it were raining rounds…

Bad things happen when the man in charge let’s his ego start dictating protocol.

So there was a nice rhythmic popping soundeach time a mortar round left the tube, only interrupted by the constant babble of the officer behind us insisting we,

“Do it faster..” 

I wanted to reply, “that’s what she said” - but of course I didn’t, I didn’t have time…

So we, ”went faster”. As is nearly always the case a wise and well respected Sargeant wandered over from near the high powered gathering of Brass a short distance away, in order to bestow some wise words of caution upon our benevolent leader. Bare in mind, the three of us lowly grunts were already exchanging worried glances about various safety issues that increasing the rate of fire was having. Including heating the mortar tube barrel up dangerously high. Mortars tend not to leave deformed, overheated tubes, in the unfettered state they were intended.

The 2nd Lt. of course ignored the mother hen sargeant and insisted we actually increase speed further.

I now found myself holding a mortar in each hand, pin removed, and trying to drop the explosive into the tube as soon as the earlier bomb had cleared it. Tensions were running high and we were starting to snap at each other when we weren’t performing our individual tasks fast enough.

It was during one of these exchanges that it happened…

The guy pulling the safety pins asked me if the last round he handed to me had the pin still in it. This of course meant I had to turn my head to check, meanwhile, unseen by me, the guy holding the mortar tube and pulling the firing lever, was having trouble getting the arm pulled down to strike the base of the round, already in the tube.

During this heated and rapid discussion the 2nd Lt didn’t approve of our slowing down and yelled over all of us to hurry the hell up; “people” were watching. 

I quit trying to talk and feed ammo into the tube at the same time. I began lining up the next mortar round over the opening of the tube, poised to release it, when I had a flash of doubt as to whether I had heard the tell-tale sound of the previous round firing. I withdrew the new round out of the line of fire as the old round left the tube.

In terms of how close we come to spreading ourselves all over the firing line, let me say this, the launched round burnt the thumb holding the new round I was about to drop as it passed. If the two high explosive rounds had met, there wouldn’t have been enough meat left from our fire team to put into a plastic sack.

For a few seconds all firing ceased. Oddly enough, no-one complained. The “new” officer withdrew, leaving command in the “capable” hands of the sargeant while he went in search of other pressing matters on which to focus his attention. The color had drained completely from all of our faces. In a typically cool tone the sargeant suggested we continue, only this time placing only one round in the tube at a time.

No one on the team felt inclined to contradict him.

The whole exchange only took a few seconds and then we were back to firing at the approved rate of speed. This time the comforting sound of mortars leaving the tube was interlaced with sporadic giggling as we all took stock of how close we’d come to blowing ourselves up.

Over the next couple of days we’ll have a look at leadership, ego, humor, and how much more effective we all are when the guy in charge has a cool head!

Cheers, Terry.

P.S. “One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning.” – James Russell Lowell

www.highintensityteambuilding.com

Have any of you had trouble moving past the tax rate thing in Denmark?

I decided to deal with the issue another way; like a Dane in fact. I asked myself would I still do my job if I had to pay 68% of the money it made to the government, and the answer was yes. This, in fact, is what most Danes say too!

There is much less hang up in Denmark over what you do for a living, and more emphasis on whether you enjoy what you do. The way they have achieved this is to tax their citizens so highly that everyone earns about the same amount, no matter what line of work you’re in.

So, if you don’t fancy making Mom and Dad happy by becoming an attorney, you’ll earn about the same working as a truck driver, with less responsibilities and potentially more “alone” time. Of course, Denmark might be the only country in the world where your parents might still talk to you, after you tell them you are ditching Law School and going to learn how to haul big-rigs.

It’s certainly not for us to second guess a system that seems to be working. They are, after all, very happy folks. So what seems to be the common theme?

If we start to list things it becomes clearer as to why they might be such a cheery bunch:

1       Education spending is one of the highest in the world – they really do put their money where their mouths are when it comes to, “our children are our future.” This also includes further education, too. Yep, college (university) is practically free as well. I wonder if this system would help American families…?

2       More is spent on the elderly than any other country in the world too. It must be nice knowing the bills you are accruing in a nursing home are already covered…can you say missing Social Security Funds?

3       There is a major emphasis placed on social networking and social groups – both of which promote well above and beyond normal levels of interaction. If you want to develop lasting relations it’s important for people to see firsthand how much they have in common with their counterparts; this applies to neighbors, work colleagues, and community.         

4       Health care is also provided and from what I have read their system is working fine. I know that on a personal level health insurance is one of the most expensive monthly costs for me and my family – and we are a relatively healthy bunch. I second guess going to the Docs ever, just in case he finds something really wrong and we can’t afford to fix it. At least if an illness finishes me off, there is my life insurance policy to sustain my family’s livelihood, while I get to feeding the grubs…

Some of life’s biggest hurdles and stressors are already taken care of in Danish society. As these things make up a large portion of what we as individuals are most likely to be concerned with, maybe paying such a tax rate wouldn’t be so bad – if you could actually trust your government to do what it promises to do with your money…… That, it seems, is the common theme.

Stress relief….sounds terrible doesn’t it?

This week’s Blog isn’t meant to be a gripe about all that is wrong over here, in comparison to, “over there..” It was supposed to illuminate legitimate reasons for the Danes general level of happiness.

If being happy was just a simple case of getting out of bed every morning and telling yourself today was going to be a good day, wouldn’t we all be doing it?

.I don’t believe we would Even if all the things that are wrong over here were right, some folks would still manage to find something to complain about.

It’s human nature to want to improve your lot in life and want the best for our offspring. Unfortunately, those that seem to complain the loudest are also the ones least likely to actually take action and do anything about it.

I would like to revisit something I mentioned earlier in regards to career. I immediately dumbed down the career choice of someone that declined going to law school in favor of being a truck driver, because there’s no money in being a lawyer.

What about the flip side of that? If money isn’t the driving force behind a young person’s choice towards any particular career, doesn’t that mean that those who choose to commit their lives to a particular line of work, do so for the noblest of reasons?

I know I risk coming off as some age old romantic here, and that’s not easy for me to do, but it seems to me that if you just want a career based on nothing but the merits of the profession itself, wouldn’t that attract the best kind of person to do that job?

Obviously they are passionate about their choice. Why go through all that work to do a job that pays the same as your neighbor the welder, or trash collector? 

We all know passionate people are the most inspiring. If what you do fires you up each and every morning, you’re sure as hell a lot easier to be around than some grumpy old ass that drags him or herself to work every morning, looking like the sky is falling in around them.

The power of passion can never be under-estimated as a driving force towards becoming successful and happy.

** Take Steven Spielberg for example; legend has it that as a young man he took a tour of Universal Studios at age 17 and upon realizing he was only getting half the story in regards to movie making, snuck away from the tour group and found his way to a sound stage to watch the production of a “real” movie.

His interest was now well beyond just piqued. In fact the next day he put on his best suit, borrowed his father’s briefcase and walked confidently straight past the security gate and onto the Studios lot, once again. He located an empty trailer and used plastic letters to put his name and self appointed title, “Director” on the door.

He then spent the remainder of his summer chatting with anyone he could find in movie making; directors, editors, special effects people, script writers, sound people, literally anyone he could learn from.

At age 20, having become a regular on the Studio lot, he won a seven year contract to make movies on the back of a modest movie he had put together in his spare time.  He was off and running.

That’s the power of passion!

Would you go to such lengths for your current career? If not, what would you go to those lengths to do?

I want you to memorize this acronym:

GO YACS.

I’m not going to tell you what it stands for until tomorrow, just start memorizing it for now, and when you say it in your mind, or out loud for that matter, say it loud and powerfully.

Lift your chin, inflate your chest, pull your shoulders back and project it – LOUDLY.

Until tomorrow team members,

Cheers, Terry

P.S. “Men who are unhappy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact!” – Bertrand Russell.

** Information in reference to Steven Spielberg was originally garnered from Anthony Robbins National Bestseller “Unlimited Power” – I love this book by the way. And yes, I read an awful lot of books. For all those of you that had me pinged as a knuckle dragging Neanderthal, occasionally I pick ‘em up off the floor and try deciphering all the letters….Hahaha

http://www.break.com/index/how-to-report-the-news.html typically sarcastic English humor and it includes cursing, so make sure your kids or boss aren’t within earshot.

http://www.break.com/index/dog-poops-during-live-news-segment.html you can’t understand a word the news reporters are saying, but I don’t think you’ll need too…..

http://www.break.com/cute-girls/pogostick-girls.html not sure what type of insurance these girls are trying to sell, or in which country it was aired, but I’m thinking about changing my policy..

http://www.break.com/horror/horror-music-video.html I’m a horror movie nut and it was fun trying to guess which movie these clips are from.

http://www.break.com/horror/bedfellows—short-film.html – this one isn’t funny, turn your volume up and see if it makes you jump..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoCqvnJFUUA&feature=rec-r2-2r-3-HM there’s no sound for this compilation of clips, but some of these really look like they hurt, so it’s worth a watch.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXsK5wyh3tA&feature=related some of these pictures are amazing. You’ve got to wonder WTH some of these folks were thinking to get into this kind of mess!

What he REALLY MEANS….

“That’s women’s work!” Really Means – It’s dirty, difficult and thankless, and I don’t want to do it.

“Can I help with dinner?”  Really Means – Why isn’t it already on the table?

“It would take too long to explain..” Really Means – I have no freaking clue how this works but I’m not admitting that to you.

“We’re going to be late because of you!” Really Means – Now I have a legitimate reason for driving like an asshole, testing the very limits of my car and reflexes, and I expect no screaming or drama from you.

…and you thought your life sucked…

 Taken from the incredibly funny Book F My Life by Maime Valette, Guillaume Passaglia, and Didier Guedj .

“Today I was volunteering at a nursing home, and I was calling bingo numbers. A woman suddenly stood up and started making noises. I assumed she had won, and began clapping. She fell on the floor and died of a heart attack. I applauded her death…”

“Today my Father asked me if he could borrow my electric razor because he wanted to surprise Mum later. Anxious to see him without his lifelong beard, I willingly agreed. Half an hour later he exited the bathroom, beard fully intact…”

“Today I was getting my teeth cleaned at the dentists office. Looking up at his nose, I saw runny snot dripping onto his lip. I tried to slowly move away. “STOP!” He ordered me. The movement of his lips cause the snot to fall right into my open mouth….”

“Today, while I was working, my ex-girlfriend came in to apply for a job. She had broken up with me for another guy, so I can’t stand to be in the same room with her. The manager hired her on the spot. I have to train her…”

Pearls of wisdom:

Don’t do for others what, given the chance, they wouldn’t do for themselves.

An expert is someone called in at the last minute to share the blame.

A retired husband is a wife’s full time job.

Even at a mensa convention, someone is the dumbest person in the room

One last joke:

The old man was critically ill. Feeling that death was near he caled for his lawyer.

“I want to become a Democrat. Get me change of registration form.”

Slightly surprised the lawyer asked him,

“But why? You’ll be dead soon, so why change now?” 

“That’s my business young man, just make it happen!”

A few days later the registration had been filed and the old man was now indeed a Democrat. The lawyer was once again at the old mans side as he closed in on death.

Suddenly the old man began coughing and gasping for air and it was obvious he was close to the end. Curiousity go the better of the lawyer and he attempted to once again get an answer to his question,

“Please, you are so close to death, tell me why you changed your affiliation?”

The old man took a deep raspy final breath and in a feint whisper replied,

“… now… there’s.. one less.. Democrat…”

Cheers, Terry

P.S. Instead of writing a famous “quote” today, as I do for most days, I wanted to draw your attention to something that occurred earlier this week – you might not have even heard anything about it on the news, which is why I deemed it essential to make mention of it myself. If, after reading the article it strikes a chord with you, please cut and paste the story and email to your friends – these men should not be forgotten:

You’re a 19 year old kid.

You’re critically wounded and dying in the jungle in the Ia Drang Valley. November 11, 1965. LZ X-ray , Vietnam

Your infantry unit is outnumbered 8-1 and the enemy fire is so intense, from 100 or 200 yards away, that your own Infantry Commander has ordered the MediVac helicopters to stop coming in.

You’re lying there, listening to the enemy machine guns and you know you’re not getting out. Your family is 1/2 way around the world, 12,000 miles away, and you’ll never see them again. As the world starts to fade in and out, you know this is the day.

Then – over the machine gun noise – you faintly hear that sound of a helicopter. You look up to see an unarmed Huey. But … it doesn’t seem real because no Medi-Vac markings are on it.

Ed Freeman is coming for you.

He’s not Medi-Vac so it’s not his job, but he’s flying his Huey down into the machine gun fire anyway. Even after the Medi-Vacs were ordered not to come. He’s coming anyway. And he drops it in and sits there in the machine gun fire, as they load 2 or 3 of you on board. Then he flies you up and out through the gunfire to the doctors and nurses.

And, he kept coming back!! 13 more times!!

He took about 30 of you and your buddies out who would never have gotten out. Medal of Honor Recipient, Ed Freeman, died last Wednesday at the age of 80, in Boise , Idaho . May God Rest His Soul. I bet you didn’t hear about this hero’s passing, but we’ve sure seen a whole bunch about Tiger Woods. . .

But nothing on the death of Medal of Honor Winner Ed Freeman.

Shame on the American media!!!

Now … YOU pass this along on YOUR mailing list.

Submitted by former Huey pilot Dick, Williamsport, Md.