It’s time to let them die…
By
admin
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Published
March 11, 2010
 This is probably what I'll look like right before wandering off into the bush... Hello mates!
Top-of-the-morning-to-ya.
Most of us are brought up to believe in humanity, in the same way as we are brought up to differentiate between right and wrong. Morality is important throughout our society. We are expected to want to rescue, help and save everyone, as if everyone was really worth saving…
Television shows reinforce this standard by highlighting the struggle between personality types during a crisis – it helps heighten the drama and thus the, “watch-ability” factor. The “good-guy” fights to save the rest. He struggles to convince the, “group” he has a plan, that he can get them all out safely…What a load of crap.
And what a waste of energy!
If you want to survive, don’t go wasting your valuable mental and physical resources on folks hell bent on doing things their way. Just let them go. Or better yet, you go.
Survival will boil down to common sense and your ability to remain calm and rational. Others will not be so blessed. Their idea of common sense and rational thought may differ greatly from yours – in fact, I would hasten to add you should count on that being the case.
If you and I were in a survival situation it’s not my style to start barking orders at the group, in some misguided attempt to make everyone realize what they might be doing is wrong.
In fact you might be somewhat surprised in not hearing much from me at all.
I’m much more likely to make a few quiet suggestions, and see who’s listening. I want to see which of the group has retained their ability to still think clearly and weigh up all the options.
If it becomes apparent to me that none of the group has retained that ability, or perhaps the person with the loudest voice has decided to take charge and leads the group off in the wrong direction, you will not see me again. I’ll quietly wander off into the “bush” and take care of myself, but thanks all the same…
 Once you've made a decision, grow a couple and follow through; alone if need be. If you know what you are thinking is right, makes complete sense, gives you the best chance of survival and you haven’t heard anything from anyone else around you to challenge that idea, then have the balls to follow your instincts.
You will have insufficient resources and energy to fight and recruit people that have already chosen to align themselves with the loudest mouth in the group. So don’t try. This is your chance to prove Darwin’s Selection theory in real time. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_selection
There is a scene in Gladiator, starring Russell Crowe, when he is about to be thrust into the Arena for the first time. The man in front of him begins urinating on himself in fear.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0172495/
“Maximus” takes a step back distancing himself from the guy as he anticipates things not ending well for that man. You should do the same, both figuratively and literally, if your group appears to have lost its collective minds.
There are those out there that will have little or no control over their emotions. They lack the mental toughness necessary to persevere and overcome the situation.
They will want someone to save them. They will not be capable of saving themselves. They will not begin their survival journey by saying the Survivors Creed,
“I will live in the moment. I will hope for nothing. Provide for myself everything. Roll with the punches when adversity strikes and things don’t go my way. I will laugh at every available opportunity. Rescue, should it arrive, will be just a welcome interruption in my survival journey – nothing more.” – Terry Vaughan.
We will look at rules three four and five over the next few days and as always, I welcome your comments, emails and suggestions!
Cheers, Terry.
Posted in Keynote Speaking, inspired, teambuilding
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Tagged commando, community teambuilding, conflict, Darwin, Darwins selection theory, engaging speaker, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, flash mob, funny speakers, Gladiator, gladitorial arena, High Intensity Teambuilding, humanity, Keynote speaker, Maximus, mental toughness, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, Oprah, Public speaker, recruit new members, Russell Crowe, survival creed, survival philosophy, survival situation, T-mobile, team building, teambuilding, Terry Vaughan, your survival skills
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Save a life – crack a joke!
By
admin
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Published
February 10, 2010
 Save a life – crack a joke!
How do you cope when the chips are down? I mean when it really hits the fan?
If you were to face a life or death situation right now, would you remain calm or panic?
People often associate panic with a colorful scene in their head of people running around screaming and generally making fools of themselves. In most cases people don’t panic like that. They tend to freeze, and perform no task of any use, whatsoever.
I personally favor those kinds of people that perform the freeze panic, because the screamers, they are an unwelcome distraction to those of us that tend to remain relatively cool headed. Also, those that just stop doing anything are usually easier to get moving again, particularly if the cool headed person can give them a simple task to perform.
So which are you?
I recall spending a great deal of time working in and around helicopters during my time in the Commandos, and, as a means of transporting troops, they make great paperweights.
They don’t glide worth a damn when they stop working which can be very troublesome when you are 3000ft up in the air.
It was during such an occasion that the “cab” I was riding in decided to be a tad temperamental and not work in accordance with our plans for the day. I was a door gunner in the Lynx Attack Helicopter and we were practicing low level insertion for a section of 7 men. Prior to dropping down and beginning our low level approach we were flying at around 3000 ft when the, “heads-up” console (a panel of lights located where the heat & A/C vents are in the dashboard of a car) between the pilot and co-pilot, lit up like a Christmas tree.
Nothing is more alarming to anyone than the sound of alarms and flashings lights in an aircraft that’s already airborne. It just screams problems…
I heard the pilot and co-pilot chatting amongst themselves and running through various drills to find the source of our predicament. At first I thought there really couldn’t have been that much wrong, as the conversation between the two of them, sounded much like they were ordering breakfast at some low key restaurant. 
This of course served to sooth my nerves and I was about to go back to scanning the ground far below me for signs of the enemy patrols, when the “cab” dropped like a stone for a couple of hundred feet. If you happen to be kneeling in an open doorway of a helicopter when this happens, I can tell you from personal experience, you will float up into the air weightless… If you are not securely gripping the headrest handle on the back of the co-pilots chair, you will now involuntarily exit the aircraft.
I didn’t want to do this, so I remained holding on firmly to the small handle and began asking a few choice questions of the crew…
“Any chance you lads can keep this thing in the air long enough for us to make it back to base for lunch?”
Imagine my confidence souring to an all time high with the pilots reply,
“Unless they’ve changed chefs, it’s gonna be the same crap as yesterday, so I don’t think you’ll be missing much, mate…” Nice.
At which point the “cab” did it again, this time dropping even lower than before, and seemingly faster.
I turned to face the boys behind me and they were all laughing. The pilot told me to tell them to “assume the position” which I relayed through various facial expressions and hand signals.
I received several varieties of hand signal in reply and none of them were very polite.
I repeated the instruction insisting that they put their heads down between their legs and grasp around their ears to help prevent whiplash upon impact. I can’t tell you how funny this is to do when you aren’t strapped to anything.
‘Cause if the helicopter hits the ground from that height, it won’t matter what you’re grasping, the last thing that will pass through your mind will be your ass….
They knew it, and so did I. But sometimes it’s still better to do something rather than nothing when facing your own impending death. It gives you a sense of facing things on your own terms – kind of.
The smiles faltered on their faces when the “cab” dropped for a third time and this time dropped so hard and fast several of them floated into the air too, even laden down with all of their kit…
 I performed the universally accepted signal for death by drawing my hand across my throat. They were all looking at me wide eyed as it dawned on them the pilots weren’t actually messing around attempting to scare them, we really were in trouble.
Everyone quickly went through the unnecessary drill of double checking safety catches were applied to their weapons, followed by helmet straps pulled a little tighter, followed by shuffling a little lower towards the floor of the “cab”.
We dropped for a fourth time and one of the guys threw his hands up in the air and screamed…. At first I thought he was panicking; then he started laughing his ass off.
He looked like a kid on a roller-coaster, which was his intention.
It’s so loud in the back of these aircraft you can’t hear diddly unless you are hooked into the communications system. But that didn’t stop everyone from starting to roar with laughter. Now the entire section was poised ready to throw their own hands into the air should we drop for a fifth time.
We didn’t drop again and the pilots had already begun a controlled descent the moment the first trouble had begun. As the skids touched down on the grassy hillside in the middle of know where, I heard the pilot say to the co-pilot,
“That was interesting.” As if we had all just taken part in some mundane high school science experiment.
What stopped my panic? Well, it helped me to hear firsthand the complete lack of panic in the pilots’ voices. Later that day they told me my question about us making it back for lunch helped them remain calm – I know they were just saying it to be nice, but I liked it anyway. LOL.
The guys riding in the body of the aircraft were helped by the clown who threw his hands into the air and pretended he was riding a rollercoaster.
No one panicked. People looked a bit concerned for a minute. But no one panicked. Of course, what would they have done if they had of panicked? It wasn’t as if there was anywhere to go… Jumping wouldn’t have helped; you weren’t going to get there any faster than the helicopter.
 In just about every case I can imagine, nothing good occurs with panicking: It solves nothing and typically only adds to the problem. These days most folks have had their fill of stress anyway – why would you want to add to it? Good leaders seek out ways to alleviate not only their own stress, but also that of their teammates, so that everyone can perform more effectively.
It’s not just in business where maintaining a sense of humor can help balance the status quo, either. It can also help maintain perspective on family issues, your friends’ problems, debilitating health issues; in fact, just about every facet of your life becomes easier to manage when approached with a sense perspective. - Follow the link.
The higher up the rankings you are in terms of influence within your peer groups or work, the more important this talent becomes. When others look to you the moment the proverbial, “merde” hits the fan, it’s time to step up and lighten the moment.
Any asshole can add stress – your challenge is to think of a way to lessen it, and quickly!
The faster you can do this, the faster people will come to trust you to be their anchor whenever things go awry. Do you want to be a truly great leader? Make people laugh and relax in a crisis. Defuse the situation by risking a little of yourself in order to bring about some levity. Problem solving becomes a whole lot easier if someone has the ability to temporarily relieve the tension.
It has to be someone; it needs to be someone – so why not you?
Cheers, Terry.
P.S. “Experience: A comb life gives you after you lose your hair..” – Judith Stern.
www.highintensityteambuilding.com
Posted in Keynote Speaking, inspired, teambuilding
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Tagged absurdity, amazing girls, beautiful women, challenge, charlotte speakers, comedian, commando, community, community teambuilding, cool in a crisis, countdown to flash mob, dance, denigrate, embarrassment, energetic, engaging speaker, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, eye opener, family, first move, flash mob, funniness, funny, funny man, funny speakers, generosity, gorgeous women, happiness, having a sense of humor, High Intensity, High Intensity Teambuilding, hotties, humor, im not an aussie, irony, joy, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, laughter, leap, listener, listeners, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, Oprah, president obama, rebuttal, risk, save us, sense of humor, show of strength, solving personal issues, staying cool in a crisis, strategic self-presentation; impression management, success, survival, T-mobile, thin line, triumph, troubled times, truth of the matter, unease, vulnerability, winning
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Do you believe in magic?
By
admin
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Published
February 9, 2010
Do you believe in luck?
 If you do, then you probably also still believe in Santa Claus, the tooth fairy and magic spells….
A long time ago, back when I was young and vibrant, I served with the military. The military is the ultimate place when it comes to rumors. Part of the reason for this is the fact that for the majority of the time enlisted men are treated like mushrooms: Kept in the dark and fed on crap.
One particular day a favorable rumor started in regards to a deployment to Kenya, Africa, but only for a handful of our guys. Of course, the rumor stated that only the most senior guys would be considered and all others should just forget about it…
That didn’t sit well with me as I really wanted this deployment and visit a place I might never get a chance to go to again – and get paid for doing it.
I didn’t even mention my interest to my mates. Most of them would have enjoyed going every bit as much as I would, but they had already stated they didn’t stand a chance and resigned themselves to failure before even trying: I loved that!!
The problem with the military is, it thinks of itself as some sort of dictatorship and everyone should follow the rules. I’m in favor of the system in war time because second guessing orders gets men killed, more often than not.
But during peace time, I believe the rules should be approached a tad more open minded…
Plus telling me not to do something is pretty much a freaking guarantee that I’ll do it. That’s what got me into the Commandos in the first place. Even my own Father didn’t think I could make it. Everyone said you’re crazy, they’ll beat the crap out of you and fail you, and then what’ll you do?
 As if the risk of not making it should be enough to deter one from even trying? WTH?
A plan started to form in my mind: A plan of audacity, rule bending and just a hint of rebelling against the system. But one must be careful. The military doesn’t take kindly to individual free thinking souls – unless they come with a smile and truck loads of charm and persistence. Of which I am amply blessed when my mind is set to achieve something.
My war of persistence began in a very low key and unassuming manner. The day after the rumor began, I showed up at the Sergeants’ office and off handedly remarked that if there were to be a trip to Kenya, I would be willing to deploy, even on short notice.
Did you notice how I twisted it around a bit? Now the trip didn’t sound so much like the glory trip it might have seemed initially. I was actually doing him a favor by letting him know that no matter what happened, I was his go-to-guy if things looked dicey for putting boots on the ground.
It didn’t work – exactly, “Vaughan, you’re a wanker. And that little line making the whole thing sound like you’re helping me out here, that’s ballsy…”
OK. I know. Not the most auspicious of beginnings, but here’s where lesser men would have tucked tail and walked away. I was just getting started.
So for the next two weeks here is how it went for my poor sergeant:
Every morning, after every lunch, last thing in the afternoon, I would “show up” and see what was going on at the office. After a few days of my becoming a regular at his office, he began to relent. I knew I was winning the first time he said he’d put me on the standby list, if anyone couldn’t go due to injury, sickness or whatever, I would be top of the back-up list.
Believe me, that was a victory. The war wasn’t won yet, but I’d certainly let the enemy know he was in for a tough uphill battle. Time to up the ante…
Now I started making tea runs for him, whether he needed a cuppa or not. Or runs to the Naffy, (the on base military shop selling T-shirts, coke, candy bars and other assorted merchandise the boys might need).
I let folks think I was in real trouble and having to do some running around to make it all OK again with the sergeant. Of course eventually he’d had enough, more than enough. He saw me coming and I could see the color drain from his face.
I always smiled, I always managed to make him laugh, but I was also driving him crazy. After two weeks he’d reached his limit.
“Vaughan, if you don’t quit bugging me the only place you’ll be getting deployed to is Arbroath!” Arbroath is a town in Scotland where no one wants to be, not even the Scots who live there… Everything was on the line now. Should I continue or accept defeat?
I rolled the dice. “But, sergeant, this would stop today if you’d give me a shot and put me on that deployment. Do you know how much paperwork is going to be involved with actually re-assigning me to 45 Commando? Sending me to a whole new unit? (Believe me it’s worth mentioning that if there’s one thing warriors hate, its paperwork – and this guy was a soldiers, soldier). I hit a nerve.
What I was saying in not so many words was, this will not stop. I will do this until you re-assign me to another unit, or put me on the list for Kenya. And I said it without actually saying it. I would never overtly threaten a senior rank, especially not his guy, I liked him!
I saw the doubt in his eyes. It was time to seal the deal.
“I’ll not bother you with anything again, ever, if you’ll do me a solid and put me on the list.”
“FINE! Now leave me the hell alone…” He tried to sound angry, but he was already chuckling as he began walking away. He added this as he left,
“If anyone else had worked as hard as you for this I’d have hung myself a week ago… Hell, if the whole Commando Brigade was as stubborn as you I could rule the freaking world…..” I believed him.
Three weeks later the personnel list for Kenya was posted, and would you Christmas Eve it, my name was on the list. Guess what I heard for the next few weeks,
“Vaughan’s so freaking lucky. How the hell did he get on the list?”
“Some blokes have all the luck. It’s just not fair.”
Typically these sorts of comments came from those that had quit trying before it ever began.
Success of any sort isn’t about luck. Luck is something that happens to us. But this line of reasoning means you are at the whim of chance. Something, or someone, has the power to rule your life.
It also means that when bad things happen, when “bad luck” strikes, your mindset is all wrong. You take on the attitude that of course something bad has happened, you knew your luck couldn’t last forever. Right?
Horsepucky!
If you don’t believe in luck, then whatever happens isn’t about the wind changing and your good/bad fortune suddenly slapping you in the face. It’s just what happens. Life happens. There is no good or bad, there are just things.
How you choose to look at them is all a mindset. Saying, “it’s just bad luck” gives the power for your life over to an age old superstition.
If you are stuck on the side of a mountain, lost after a long hike and it suddenly starts to rain, guess what? Mother Nature isn’t kicking sand in your face. She’s just doing what she does, watering the plants. You just happen to be standing in the garden when she does.
When you succeed at something and everyone around you is saying, oh you’re so lucky, nothing like that ever happens to me… Guess what? It wasn’t luck, it was work. It was putting yourself out there and taking calculated chances. It was at least having the balls to try. - follow this link to find out more about creating your own luck.
 You won’t always get the outcome you desire. So what? You’ll still have more than you did before embarking on the journey, even if it’s more experience…
The biggest regrets you’ll ever have in life will be the ones where you didn’t even get in the game in the first place. You didn’t even try.
Life is not a spectator sport.
And it won’t play out the way you want it to if you don’t at least start taking charge of its direction. TAKE ACTION!
Stop using “Bad luck” as an excuse for why you didn’t even try! Make your own luck by working hard and being in the right place, at the right time, for the right reasons, and watch what happens.
The situation I mentioned earlier about being stuck on the side of a mountain when the rain begins, well I’m betting half of you said, “What the hell would I be doing on the side of a mountain?”
I have news for you. You’re already on the side of a mountain. That’s where life is played out. Those that succeed and make the biggest contribution to their own happiness are the ones that can say, “Well, I won’t be thirsty tonight” the second it starts to pour.
They didn’t start saying things like, “Isn’t this typical. My bad luck just keeps getting worse and now here comes the rain”…. It might not be what you asked for. It might be a different result than the one you were trying for.
But at least you are trying!
Keep trying and it’s only a matter of time before your luck changes! Hahaha!!
Cheers, Terry
Posted in Keynote Speaking, inspired, teambuilding
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Tagged beautiful women, changing you out look on life, changing your luck, changing your outlook, charlotte speakers, commando, community team building, community teambuilding, countdown to flash mob, dance, do you feel lucky, energetic, engaging speaker, enthusiasm, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, flash mob dance, funny speakers, get lucky, happy at work, High Intensity, High Intensity Teambuilding, hot women, im not an aussie, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, motivational speakers, Oprah, Public speaker, public speaking, sick of the bad luck, T-mobile, Terry Vaughan, Terry Vaughn, ways to make yourself happy, youtube.com/tcvaughan34
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…I could have died…
By
admin
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Published
February 8, 2010
Instead, I just burnt my thumb…
Hello gang, nice to be back and I hope you lot had a dandy weekend.
We are going to be having a look at a few close calls; a few, “I nearly died” incidents; even a few close calls that others have experienced and then see what benefit these brushes with the reaper can be to all of us.
 I’ll start with one instance where we were deployed somewhere hot and sticky (Royal Marines) and had been tasked with putting on a firepower display using 51mm mortar. We were a small cog in a big wheel that day and our “out of the box” (straight out of Officer training at Commando training center) 2nd Lieutenant was keen as mustard to prove what he could do taking charge of our fire-team. He was determined he could set a new record for the amount of H.E. (high explosive) rounds we could have airborne at the same time…
I wonder how many stupid mistakes have been made throughout history by someone trying to impress someone else and all for the wrong reasons? I’m going to be conservative and say probably just a few.
Anyhoow, we had set up the mortars, had opened several boxes of explosives and were now standing by to start dropping them in on an area about 600 meters away.
So far so good…
The order to commence firing came over the radio and so it began. Three of us had a system that went something like this:
One man would pull the tape off the rounds (and extract the safety pin which was a bit like the pin used on hand grenades) before handing them to -
Man number 2 would then feed the round into the top of the mortar tube, before -
Man number three pulled the firing handle at the base of the tube, ”launching’ the projectile down range – tadaaa!
Normal rate of fire for these things is 6 – 8 rounds per minute. Accept if you’re a new officer ready to re-invent the wheel. This guy thought that if he harassed us enough we could send enough of these things into the air it would be as if it were raining rounds…
Bad things happen when the man in charge let’s his ego start dictating protocol.
So there was a nice rhythmic popping soundeach time a mortar round left the tube, only interrupted by the constant babble of the officer behind us insisting we,
“Do it faster..”
I wanted to reply, “that’s what she said” - but of course I didn’t, I didn’t have time…
So we, ”went faster”. As is nearly always the case a wise and well respected Sargeant wandered over from near the high powered gathering of Brass a short distance away, in order to bestow some wise words of caution upon our benevolent leader. Bare in mind, the three of us lowly grunts were already exchanging worried glances about various safety issues that increasing the rate of fire was having. Including heating the mortar tube barrel up dangerously high. Mortars tend not to leave deformed, overheated tubes, in the unfettered state they were intended.
The 2nd Lt. of course ignored the mother hen sargeant and insisted we actually increase speed further.
I now found myself holding a mortar in each hand, pin removed, and trying to drop the explosive into the tube as soon as the earlier bomb had cleared it. Tensions were running high and we were starting to snap at each other when we weren’t performing our individual tasks fast enough.
It was during one of these exchanges that it happened…
The guy pulling the safety pins asked me if the last round he handed to me had the pin still in it. This of course meant I had to turn my head to check, meanwhile, unseen by me, the guy holding the mortar tube and pulling the firing lever, was having trouble getting the arm pulled down to strike the base of the round, already in the tube.
During this heated and rapid discussion the 2nd Lt didn’t approve of our slowing down and yelled over all of us to hurry the hell up; “people” were watching.
I quit trying to talk and feed ammo into the tube at the same time. I began lining up the next mortar round over the opening of the tube, poised to release it, when I had a flash of doubt as to whether I had heard the tell-tale sound of the previous round firing. I withdrew the new round out of the line of fire as the old round left the tube.
In terms of how close we come to spreading ourselves all over the firing line, let me say this, the launched round burnt the thumb holding the new round I was about to drop as it passed. If the two high explosive rounds had met, there wouldn’t have been enough meat left from our fire team to put into a plastic sack.
 For a few seconds all firing ceased. Oddly enough, no-one complained. The “new” officer withdrew, leaving command in the “capable” hands of the sargeant while he went in search of other pressing matters on which to focus his attention. The color had drained completely from all of our faces. In a typically cool tone the sargeant suggested we continue, only this time placing only one round in the tube at a time.
No one on the team felt inclined to contradict him.
The whole exchange only took a few seconds and then we were back to firing at the approved rate of speed. This time the comforting sound of mortars leaving the tube was interlaced with sporadic giggling as we all took stock of how close we’d come to blowing ourselves up.
 Over the next couple of days we’ll have a look at leadership, ego, humor, and how much more effective we all are when the guy in charge has a cool head!
Cheers, Terry.
P.S. “One thorn of experience is worth a whole wilderness of warning.” – James Russell Lowell
www.highintensityteambuilding.com
Posted in Keynote Speaking, inspired, teambuilding
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Tagged a career in proctology, accidents will happen, after dinner speaker, beating egotistical leadership, beautiful women, beauty, charlotte speakers, commando, community, community team building, community teambuilding, cool under pressure, egotistical leadership, energetic, engaging speaker, enthusiasm, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, explosives, flash mob, flash mob dance, funny speakers, grow participation, High Intensity, High Intensity Teambuilding, hip hop, how big, how to stay cool under pressure, I could have died, I nearly blew myself up, I nearly died, im not an aussie, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, lessons in leadership, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, Oprah, proctologist, Public speaker, public speaking, stupid people, T-mobile, team building, teambuilding, Terry Vaughan, Terry Vaughn, why not to impress, youtube.com/tcvaughan34
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Friday Fiasco here again!
By
admin
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Published
February 5, 2010
Hello mates,
Have you ever been this tired..?
This should help remind the fellas about their anniversaries….(click anniversaries to follow the link.)
“He’s never been very successful. When oppurtunity knocks, he complains about the noise..” – Unknown.
This video is like a VERY weird train wreck – strange….but you’ll find your foot tappping along anyway about three minutes in..LOL
Lady Gaga http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrO4YZeyl0I
Jk: The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.”
…taking multitasking to a whole new level…
Jk. A guy walks out of a store and sees a traffic cop writing a parking ticket. He rushes over and says to the Officer,
“Come on mate, how about cutting a guy a break and tearing that up?”
The officer ignores the man competely and finishes up by sticking the ticket under the windshield wiper.
The mad gets mad and starts insulting the cop.
“You’d think with a face like yours, you’d be a bit more forgiving of the rest of us! Even your Mother is probably hard pressed to love that disaster…”
The officer smiles and begins writing another ticket, this time for bald tires.
“Shouldn’t you be somewhere else eating a dozen donuts? It must have been at least ten minutes since your last snack, fatty!”
This infuriates the traffic cop and he starts writing another ticket for a cracked winshield.
“Even out here I can smell your breath – when was the last time you laid anything other farm animals?”
For the next twenty minutes the exchange continues, until there is at least 11 tickets under the windshield of the car.
Then the man smiles, walks another fifty feet to his own car, and leaves….
Etrade is rocking it out with the “baby” commercials and this is a pretty good compilation of the “outtakes”… Watch long enough to hear the Wilderbeast reference… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHPg262Kr9c&feature=topvideos
Some funny quotes:
“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”
Jimmy Duran
“My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.”
Rodney Dangerfield
“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.”
Will Rogers
“Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. . as you grow older, it will avoid you.”
Winston Churchill
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.”
Groucho Marx
….of course I’m happy Dear..
I hadn’t heard about this festival in Japan until this morning, but these sculptures are amazing and well worth a look! http://www.torontosun.com/news/world/2009/02/05/8275886.html
Jk: A man left for work one Friday morning but, being a pay-day, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend, partying with the boys and spending his entire pay check.
When he finally appeared at home Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
To which he replied with a ”That would be fine with me.”
I don’t know what happened next but Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and then Wednesday came and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye..! - The Fun Hunt.com
True Story…. A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My loving wife
Subject: I’ve arrived Date: April 6, 2006
I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!! – The Fun Hunt.com
Cheers, Terry
P.S. “The average American is someone who deplores violence in the street and has seen High Noon five times…” – And I quote. Thomas Dunn Books, ST. Martin’s Press.
Posted in Friday Fiasco, Keynote Speaking
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Tagged always tired, anniversaries, anniversary, charlotte speakers, commando, community team building, community teambuilding, computer, engaging speaker, enthusiasm, Etrade, Etrade commercials, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, funny speakers, getting out of a parking ticket, Groucho Marx, help me, I need more energy, im not an aussie, japan, Jimmy Duran, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, lady Gaga, lions, media, media cameras, more energy, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, multi-tasking, Oprah flash mob, parking ticket, pictures of lions, Public speaker, public speaking, remembering your anniversary, Rodney Dangerfield, snow festival, T-mobile, teacher, teaching, Terry Vaughan, Terry Vaughn, tigers, toilet, tokyo snow festival, Will Rogers, Winston Churchill, youtube.com/tcvaughan34
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