It’s time to let them die…
By
admin
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Published
March 11, 2010
 This is probably what I'll look like right before wandering off into the bush... Hello mates!
Top-of-the-morning-to-ya.
Most of us are brought up to believe in humanity, in the same way as we are brought up to differentiate between right and wrong. Morality is important throughout our society. We are expected to want to rescue, help and save everyone, as if everyone was really worth saving…
Television shows reinforce this standard by highlighting the struggle between personality types during a crisis – it helps heighten the drama and thus the, “watch-ability” factor. The “good-guy” fights to save the rest. He struggles to convince the, “group” he has a plan, that he can get them all out safely…What a load of crap.
And what a waste of energy!
If you want to survive, don’t go wasting your valuable mental and physical resources on folks hell bent on doing things their way. Just let them go. Or better yet, you go.
Survival will boil down to common sense and your ability to remain calm and rational. Others will not be so blessed. Their idea of common sense and rational thought may differ greatly from yours – in fact, I would hasten to add you should count on that being the case.
If you and I were in a survival situation it’s not my style to start barking orders at the group, in some misguided attempt to make everyone realize what they might be doing is wrong.
In fact you might be somewhat surprised in not hearing much from me at all.
I’m much more likely to make a few quiet suggestions, and see who’s listening. I want to see which of the group has retained their ability to still think clearly and weigh up all the options.
If it becomes apparent to me that none of the group has retained that ability, or perhaps the person with the loudest voice has decided to take charge and leads the group off in the wrong direction, you will not see me again. I’ll quietly wander off into the “bush” and take care of myself, but thanks all the same…
 Once you've made a decision, grow a couple and follow through; alone if need be. If you know what you are thinking is right, makes complete sense, gives you the best chance of survival and you haven’t heard anything from anyone else around you to challenge that idea, then have the balls to follow your instincts.
You will have insufficient resources and energy to fight and recruit people that have already chosen to align themselves with the loudest mouth in the group. So don’t try. This is your chance to prove Darwin’s Selection theory in real time. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_selection
There is a scene in Gladiator, starring Russell Crowe, when he is about to be thrust into the Arena for the first time. The man in front of him begins urinating on himself in fear.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0172495/
“Maximus” takes a step back distancing himself from the guy as he anticipates things not ending well for that man. You should do the same, both figuratively and literally, if your group appears to have lost its collective minds.
There are those out there that will have little or no control over their emotions. They lack the mental toughness necessary to persevere and overcome the situation.
They will want someone to save them. They will not be capable of saving themselves. They will not begin their survival journey by saying the Survivors Creed,
“I will live in the moment. I will hope for nothing. Provide for myself everything. Roll with the punches when adversity strikes and things don’t go my way. I will laugh at every available opportunity. Rescue, should it arrive, will be just a welcome interruption in my survival journey – nothing more.” – Terry Vaughan.
We will look at rules three four and five over the next few days and as always, I welcome your comments, emails and suggestions!
Cheers, Terry.
Posted in Keynote Speaking, inspired, teambuilding
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Tagged commando, community teambuilding, conflict, Darwin, Darwins selection theory, engaging speaker, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, flash mob, funny speakers, Gladiator, gladitorial arena, High Intensity Teambuilding, humanity, Keynote speaker, Maximus, mental toughness, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, Oprah, Public speaker, recruit new members, Russell Crowe, survival creed, survival philosophy, survival situation, T-mobile, team building, teambuilding, Terry Vaughan, your survival skills
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Mastering your negative emotions – part one.
By
admin
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Published
January 25, 2010
 Life has a way of kicking your ass doesn’t it?
There are days when getting out of bed should result in your being awarded a medal of some kind. There are days when not punching that guy you see every morning in the face while he harasses you at the coffee store, or the office, should be similarly recognized…
Believe me, there are days when every person you know could be described as a hero, in some way or another.
We typically only award medals to war heroes – and in most cases they only accept them on behalf of the fallen that didn’t return with them. Even in these lofty categories there are those that stand head and shoulders above their peers.
Most of us could name a half dozen sports stars that we admire; the good ones amongst them would readily admit they are paid too much for what they do, which is why so many of them give so much of their free time in service to their communities. It helps to balance things out in the scheme of things. We can forgive the guy who lives in a 20,000 sq foot home with nine bedrooms and 8 bathrooms, because he uses some of that notoriety for something other than just building mansions to honor himself with.
How many people could answer this question: Who is Robert L. Howard? – please follow the link to the website honoring this guy, there are simply too many things that should be said about him and I can’t fit it all on todays Blog!
In order to improve our own resiliency we sometimes must be shown what others are capable of. Measuring ourselves against others is perfectly normal. We think, if he can, then I can.
It might take us a little longer to realize our own potential, occasionally, but we get there.
One of the reasons I have chosen to use Robert L. Howard as an example, is not because he was the recipient of the Distinguished Service Cross, the Silver Star, the Bronze Star, or eight Purple Hearts and even the Congressional Medal Of Honor… I’m using him because he was actually nominated for the Congressional Medal Of honor three times in a thirteen month period!!! The first two nominations were downgraded to a Distinguished Service Cross (our nations second highest award for valor) and a Silver Star (our nations third highest award for valor) – and the last nomination was also downgraded to another Distinguished Service Cross, but was later upgraded again to the Medal of Honor.
He was also wounded 14 times during his 54 months in Combat in Vietnam. I don’t believe for one second he did it all for the money…
So why did he do it?
Neither did he do it for the fame and fortune. This country was in turmoil with anti-war protests during his service in Vietnam and barely a word was spoken about this hero until many years after the war had concluded.
He did it for the men he served with. He would rather have died helping and fighting for them, than give up and let them down.
He would rather have died than let his men down.
Some of us will die without ever having really lived….
Too often these days it’s an easy choice to fall into the doom and gloom mindset – a place where if things can go wrong, they will. We use the economic climate as a scapegoat for being lethargic about our own well-being. And I don’t just mean fiscally, because although most of our happiness is woefully linked to this yard stick, we could be happy with a lot less material possessions than we currently own!
 If we still had to share our home turf with Tyrannosaurus Rex, having a bad day might mean watching the over sized lizard run off with your best friend hanging from its jaws. Now that would be a bad day….
Most folks would be less than adequately equipped, or physically capable, of going out and actually hunting their dinners down. If it didn’t come pre-packaged and ready to gnaw on, we’d be lost.
We tend to view a bad day through a very narrow field of view. We don’t have anything truly harsh with which to really compare it. For instance, let’s say today your boss chewed you out in front of everyone over something you didn’t do, but should have. And then while trying to correct the problem and redeem yourself your computer crashed losing the data needed to fulfill the task. Sounds like a pretty bad day, doesn’t it?
It sounds like a frustrating day – it doesn’t sound like a bad day. Which isn’t to say you couldn’t let it get the better of you emotionally. Lose perspective at this point, and it could deteriorate into a really horrible day. Why? Because it is at this point we begin to say things like, “isn’t this typical!” or, “the boss has always had it in for me..” Or even, “this past year has been nothing but one screw up after another and I’m never going to catch a break, ever!”
If you were to ask Robert Howard what a bad day might look like, he’d say something like, “I lost several men from my patrol today, KIA. It was my job to bring them home, and I couldn’t do it.”
Ask an Emergency room Doctor what a bad day looks like and she might say something like, “I lost two people today, one of them was a child cut from a car wreck.” Now, in both of these cases, Roberts and our fictional E.R. Doc, they may have saved multiple lives, all day, all week – even all month. But the negative emotions are the hardest to shake. They tend to be more impactful than the positive.
I believe this phenomenon is due in part to evolutionary growth and the survival of the smartest. As cavemen (and women  ) I expect there wasn’t much to laugh about. What they did chuckle at held no threat. There was little to learn from the entertaining circumstances that got them laughing, certainly nothing that would enhance the long term survival prospects of the “clan”.
Nowadays, the chances of a physically life threatening event has diminished considerably. This isn’t to say life is without any threats, but as we have already covered some of this topic in an earlier Blog, I will leave this topic alone for the time being. What we need to address is our ability to handle misfortune and take it in stride, so it doesn’t have long lasting emotional impact on our lives.
But how?
This is where your declining resiliency comes into play. The ability to master your own emotional time bomb and turn frustrating days into positive ones, depends upon your capacity to see things in perspective, and then compare it to something worse: this is what we will chat about tomorrow.
We will consider some ways for you to master your own emotional survival template and cultivate a new outlook on your bad days. We are all capable of improving how we manage our tendency to obsess over the negative emotions, and do so without falling back on modern pharmaceuticals; but it’s going to take a bit of practice!
Cheers, see you tomorrow!
Terry.
P.S. “Heroes may not be braver than anyone else. They’re just braver five minutes longer.” – Ronald Reagan
Posted in Keynote Speaking, inspired, teambuilding
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Tagged charlotte speakers, commando, community team building, community teambuilding, dance in birkdale, energetic, engaging speaker, enthusiasm, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, flash mob, funny speakers, grow participation, High Intensity, High Intensity Teambuilding, how big, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, media cameras, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, Public speaker, public speaking, recruit new members, T-mobile, team building, teambuilding, Terry Vaughan, Terry Vaughn, youtube.com/tcvaughan34
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Some of my favorite quotes.
By
admin
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Published
January 21, 2010
 Hello mates!
I thought I’d throw a few of my favorite quotes down today for ya, some good for a smile, or just food for thought.
“Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness!” – Robert Hutchinson
“The salmon are striking back!” – The Queen Mother when choking on a fish bone.
“If you can’t be a good example, you’ll just have to be a horrible warning…” – Catherine Aird
“The proper means of increasing the love we bear our native country is to reside some time in a foreign one.” – William Shenstone
“Never stand so high upon a principle that you cannot lower it to suit the circumstances.” – Winston Churchill
Cheers, Terry
Posted in Keynote Speaking
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Tagged charlotte speakers, commando, community team building, community teambuilding, countdown to flash mob, dance, dance in birkdale, energetic, engaging speaker, enthusiasm, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, funny speakers, High Intensity, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, largest flash mob in NC, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, Public speaker, public speaking, quotes, recruit new members, team building
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The audience is on your side…as long as you are presenting from their right.
By
admin
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Published
January 14, 2010
 Hello mates!
Today we are addressing points 5 & 6, starting with - 95% of the audience is on your side. The other 5% is already asleep and it has nothing to do with you.
I came across an article last week that has given me incredible insight into some of the more obscure details of effective public speaking. The author was Kevin Hogan, Psy.D., (click his name to follow a link to his website) and he explained why it is so important to use the “stage” as effectively as possible.
Before we get to that though, let me first say this, your audience is most definitely on your side! How do I know? Look at it this way, have you ever sat down for a presentation and hoped really, really, hard that the person speaking screws it up? Hopefully not! Hahaha. It’s more likely you’ve sat down hoping the presenter doesn’t:
A) Bore you to tears..
B) Have some strange lisp or other distracting characteristic..
C) Let audience members hog the limelight by asking stupid questions, just to hear themsleves talk..
Or at least that’s what most people have told me when I’ve asked them…LOL
At least this is where my head is about two minutes before the speaker begins.
There is one more thing that occurs to most people in your audience, if, that is, they have ever had to give a presentation to a group themselves:
D) Thank God it’s not me having to go up there and speak today..
This is for the obvious reason that most people fear public speaking more than death itself – as we have already covered this, I won’t flog a dead horse..
The audience as a whole already feels a small amount of tension on your behalf, especially if they know this isn’t what you do!
As part of your ritual before getting up to speak, and while you are being introduced, you can now add the following to your meditation (and Autogenic breathing),
“The audience wants me to succeed”.
Now, here comes the best tit-bit I’ve learned in a while about where to stand while you speak, courtesy of Kevin Hogan, Psy.D., and it’s this:
When a right handed person looks to their right, without turning their head, they experience feelings of calm, comfort and other neutral feelings. When the same person looks to their left, they experience feelings of fear, anxiety and/or panic. This washes across into how much the individual typically enjoys the speaker.
How crazy is that?!?!
We can deduce two main things from this; firstly, if you are going to be in the audience for a presentation and you are right handed, make the most of the speaker by trying to always sit on the left side of the room so you are looking right. If you are speaking, utilize more of the left side of the stage, (left side as you stand on it looking out) so your audience (which statistically speaking will be predominantly right handed) looks to their right.
This way, even if you happen to suck during your speech, you’ve given yourself the best chance, scientifically speaking, of still getting the most out of your audience. Of course, you will never suck again! I know this because you will be using the breathing techniques we’ve chatted about, the visualization exercises and the, practice, practice, practice, philosophy to get it dead on!
So, this accounts for the 95% of the audience that is on your side; what about the 5% that isn’t, or that has already fallen asleep? Everyone has their problems, how we deal with them differs from person to person; I choose to drink heavily at night… You might turn yourself into a pretsle practicing Yoga moves; or possibly throwing poison darts at pictures of your boss helps you deal with things. Whatever gets your boat floated, is fine with me. But, there are some people out there that are just happy being, unhappy. They are miserable, nothing is going to change that, so why even try. It’s certainly not your responsibility to “change” them.
Resign yourself to the fact that someone is going to dislike what you do, how you do it, or that you are using up their valuable air.
In light of this I say breath deeply and steal as much of it as you can, hopefully accomplishing a level of aggravation for them, yet before unfelt!
Which brings us to number Six: You are afraid of making an idiot of yourself; your audience is afraid you’ll be wasting their time.
One of the hardest things to take on board, at least it was for me, was that the speech isn’t about you. You are not the center of what is going on, even though technically, you actually are. I’m not trying to confuse, I promise.
The audience is there to hear what you have to say. They are listening for the message, your point, the take aways, or maybe the entertainment aspect of your speech. They are not there to ridicule you.
They are most likely much too busy for that.
They want to get something out of it. If you deliver a speech to them knowing up front exactly what it is you want them to take with them, you will all be there for the same reason: For their benefit.
I always ask the person booking me what is it exactly that you need your group to take away from the presentation.
If the person answers we need specific scientific knowledge about such-and-such, I will gently decline the booking and hopefully refer them to someone that can provide this type of presentation. This is not what I do. And this is where you can set yourself up for as much success as possible: By analyzing what it is you do, do.
If someone has entrusted you to make a presentation at work on a topic they believe you are the most qualified to speak on, but you aren’t a funny, humorous person, don’t start trying to be one now.
Jokes usually fall flat when told by someone without an aptitude for great timing.
Your presentation isn’t the time to start finding out if this aspect of your genetic make-up has changed.
Give the audience what they expect, a passionate speech, with enthusiastic reference to all the facts, figures and details they are hoping for.
If, however, you are a funny bugger (this should be verified by an independent source) then don’t try and be all stern and business-like for your presentation.
Be you.
A few entertaining anecdotes go a long way to easing an otherwise data heavy presentation. Which might be the exact reason you were tasked with delivering it!
My presentation style is one of self-deprecating humor. On stage, or off, you’re gonna get the same thing from me – as much comedy as I can possibly interject. If you are looking for a politically correct, straight laced presentation, you’ll be barking up the wrong tree talking to me. And I’ll tell you so from the start.
In order for the audience to not feel like you wasted their time, they must leave feeling as if they were either entertained, enlightened, improved, motivated or amazed. If you can achieve two or more of these things during your speech, you will never have wasted their time, or made an idiot of yourself. In fact, when you do achieve two or more of these things, something strange will happen – they will invite you back! That’s when you know you got it just right… Good Luck!!!
Cheers, Terry
www.highintensityteambuilding.com
Posted in Keynote Speaking, teambuilding
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Tagged a better public speaker, being yourself and speaking, better public speaking, charlotte speakers, choreography, commando, community teambuilding, dance, energetic, engaging speaker, enthusiasm, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, flash mob, funny speakers, greatest speaker possible, grow participation, High Intensity, High Intensity Teambuilding, hip hop, how big, improve your public speaking, improve your speech, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, largest flash mob in NC, making the most of your presentation, media, media cameras, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, Oprah, Oprah flash mob, presenting to your company, presenting you, Public speaker, public speaking, publicly speaking, recruit new members, speaking of improving, starting to speak, T-mobile, team building, teambuilding, Terry Vaughan, Terry Vaughn, the best public speaker, top tips for speakers, youtube.com/tcvaughan34
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Mastering your fear of public speaking! Part two.
By
admin
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Published
January 12, 2010
G’day mates!
I have given talks during which all of the following have happened:
A man answered a cell phone call during the speech – he left the room only after the rest of the audience glared at him hard enough that there was no way for him to stay…
Emails have been typed – both on cell phones and laptops..
A guy in the front row fell asleep. Not just nodded off for a few, I’m talking about a bloke needing to be prodded awake to stifle his snoring by the woman next to him.
For today’s purposes I’m only going to chat about the last two; I will not discuss the guy who took the phone call, he was just damned rude, and I’m still pretending he doesn’t exist…
The fact is, anyone that gets up in front of an audience to give a presentation, would like to think what they are delivering is worth their audiences time and attention. And in most cases, if you’ve done your homework on your audience, you’ll be right – they are interested and very guarded about wasting their own time and they intend to make the most of your information. But, occasionally, someone will be in the middle of the worst work day of their lives and not able to cease trying to sort things out just because of your talk.
In some cases this person will have been told they must attend this “presentation” because of the quality of the information going to be delivered, and the fact they don’t have time for it, is of no consequence to the manager.
There is also the point that everyone multitasks to different degrees. Some people can quiet comfortably handle listening to you, and getting some of their more mundane chores settled while they do. In fact some people listen better while doing busy work, doodling, or headstands at the back of the room.
One of the women I witnessed texting or emailing during my presentation approached me at the end to ask a couple of follow up questions. She also mentioned in passing that she had sent my information onto a professional contact of hers during the talk, because she like the session so much she was sure so would her acquaintance. I was quite surprised to be honest, because I hadn’t considered the possibility that some might be enjoying it so much she couldn’t wait to sh are with others.
I always thought a lack of perceived attention was a negative thing! It’s not.
Also, bear in mind that the younger the audience, the more likely it is for this scenario to occur. I organized a Community Team Building event in the form of a dancing Flash Mob a few months ago. During one of the rehearsals we broke off for a rest after running the routine through a half dozen times. Of the fifty or so students attending the rehearsal, forty of them went straight to their cell phones during the first five seconds of the break time.
To watch this happen was comical! Half them were holding conversations with the people next to them, while typing, and sending pictures of the “event” to other friends. A few years ago if I was having a conversation with someone and they suddenly broke off to start texting or emailing, I would have had a hard time not thumping them on the top of their ignorant head. One of the biggest generational differences lays in our children’s ability to instantly connect with each other.
In this case pictures were being taken, sent embedded within texts and then short blasts of highly abbreviated information was being relayed to FaceBook, Twitter, MySpace or a plethora of other social networks. I asked one student if she was emailing good or bad reports about the rehearsal. She laughed at me and replied,
“No one emails any more, it takes too long. And I was telling my closest ten friends how funny you are – so it’s good news.” HOLY CRAP! Emails take too long!!!!! I was caught somewhere between being happy I wasn’t just the old guy at the front making a fool of himself (not that I really care) and nearly shocked into sitting down that emails could be perceived as outdated and “old school”.
I remember a time when writing a letter to my wife meant licking a small square of nasty sticky paper and then having to find time to drive to a postbox, (mailbox) mail it, hope it didn’t get lost, wait a week to ten days, call and make sure it got there. And then wait another ten days for my reply….and that’s if everything went to plan!!
Here was a 16 year old telling me that email was an old school concept and took too long.
Which brings me to this final point on the topic, no matter who you are presenting to, if folks suddenly start texting (no emails now remember they are passe) during your speech it may well be that they were so inspired by your talk, they couldn’t wait to share with their friends. If you are dying a death out there, and they suddenly start texting, the whole world will know you sucked before you finish.
You might as well focus on the positive as there isn’t much you can do either way. LOL
Someone is always going to look bored out of their mind – no matter what you do.
This can affect your confidence during your speech and make you start to doubt what you are saying is of any interest to your audience at all. We tend to focus our attention on the members of the audience who seem to be most engaged; those that nod, smile back at us, or fix us with unwavering focus. Now, by all means enjoy these accolades, they will inspried you be the best presenter possible. But, do not ignore the importance of making eye contact with everyone in the room – including the grumpy old sod seemingly hell bent on making you feel like an idiot.
The gentleman I mentioned earlier that fell asleep during one of my talks and began snoring, nearly, nearly threw me for a loop. The rest of the audience seemingly was having a great time. As I had been hired to talk about survival, humor, optimism, attitude and the ability to see the bright side of everything, this could have been very unfortunate if I’d reacted negatively! Of course, neither could I just ignore it: so asked to borrow someones jacket and I covered this guys legs with it, while he slept. This tickled the rest of the group, and we let him sleep off the next twenty minutes without bothering him.
It turns out he had taken a red eye from the other side of the country to make the presentation and it wouldn’t have mattered if I was juggling balls of fire that day, he was jet-lagged, beat up from five days of travel and meetings and couldn’t keep his eyes open. After the speech concluded, he informed me that he had enjoyed what he’d been awake for enough that he was referring me to another company. I can live with that.
The grumpy guy, the guy barely awake, (or even snoring) are not doing it deliberately. Some people just look like they consistently get up on the wrong side of their bed. Do not ignore them because they make you feel uncomfortable. Handle them as if they are the difference between your presentations success or failure.
Often times, the grumpy looking bugger, also happens to be the decision maker for the company. He has a lot riding on his or her shoulders, and although they may not be giving you the instant afffirmation others in the crowd are doing, they will undoubtedly derive negative emotions from being ignored.
That’s it for today mates, I’ll wrap up this section tomorrow, in the meantime have a top-notch day and we’ll chat again soon!
Cheers, Terry.
www.highintensityteambuilding.com
Posted in Flash Mob Birkdale, Keynote Speaking, Singing Fash mob, teambuilding
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Tagged Birkdale Village, building trust, cameras, can you dance, charlotte speakers, choreography, commando, community, community team building, community teambuilding, countdown to flash mob, dance, dance in birkdale, energetic, engaging speaker, enthusiasm, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, flash mob, flash mob dance, funny speakers, grow participation, High Intensity, High Intensity Teambuilding, hip hop, how big, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, largest flash mob in NC, media, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, Oprah flash mob, Public speaker, public speaking, recruit new members, team building, Terry Vaughan, Terry Vaughn, youtube.com/tcvaughan34
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