Hope you’re doing well and week has been kind to you so far…and if not kind, I at least hope the drinking is helping blur the pain…LOL.

Don't let the healthy apple munching fool you - she was drunk as a skunk last night...

Let’s carry on from Monday.

Now, if you miraculously find yourself surrounded by people who seem like down to earth realists, well motivated and capable of listening first and talking second, thank your lucky stars and by all means press on with dishing your advice.

But first remember this: If I happened to be amongst your group, the first thing I would want to know is whether anyone else has any experience in anything even remotely related to the current set of circumstances.

You have a vast array of knowledge – But do not assume you are the most knowledgeable!

No matter how accomplished you are, there is always someone with either more knowledge, or better perspective, or just a different perspective than yours. Ignore them at your peril.

Sharing everyone’s ideas also means sharing the responsibility. If one person steps into the leading role, oblivious to others suggestions and gets it wrong – well, things are going to get ugly.

If, on the other hand, the entire group voted on a particular action and it backfires, that’s spreading the love.

An NCO I worked with in the Commandos would habitually repeat the following mantra as if lives depended upon it, turns out he was right:

“Teamwork is essential. It gives them someone else to shoot at.”

Now, if that isn’t spreading the love, I’m not sure what is. A group that is consulted and made to be a part of the process, in this case trying to survive, will feel a greater sense of personal responsibility for the whole – not just themselves.

When one person starts rattling off orders and blindly expecting people to follow, things can begin to turn unpleasant in a hurry.

I reckon she's taking this walking on water thing too seriously...plus she's cheating.

If you think people should follow you on blind faith, simply because you think you are perfect, then you should try walking on water sometime.

If you can accomplish that task, then maybe people will step in-line and follow on nothing more than your say-so! If not, you better be able to explain why you think things should be done the way you are telling them.

Right now I’m coaching an MMA fighter, Sebastian Wojdak, and the guy has skills. He picks new things up fast, which can only be to his benefit, especially when not listening can get your head pounded by your opponent.

But beyond all of his natural talent and desire to be the best fighter possible, he has another gift: He is relatively humble.

Why is this important in a mixed martial arts fighter? Because on any given day you can, and will, lose a fight. The other guy may not necessarily be a better fighter than you, at least on paper. But a lucky shot hurts just as much as a skilled shot.

Humility means that on such a day, your fall isn’t quite as far. The crowd won’t necessarily want to see you pounded to within an inch of your life. Believe me this is of huge importance when it’s time to get back into the arena and try again.

Being humble allows you the freedom to say, after the fact, wow, I screwed up, he was better on the day and now I’ll train harder and come back more prepared. Thanks to everyone that has supported me…

You should never underestimate how tough things can be psychologically after that sort of a loss.  Humility will lend itself to receiving a great deal more support from people around you after such an event, versus having to contend with the trauma alone.

Life and death decisions with a group of strangers will amount to the same thing.

Orders will be construed as arrogance. Suggestions will be embraced as guidance.

Even more importantly, suggestions are viewed as the starting point for conversations. Conversations lend themselves to bonding and feeling a part of the process. No one starts to feel like a mushroom.*

If you make a suggestion and it turns out you are wrong, guess what, it was only a suggestion. We don’t typically feel the need to defend ourselves nearly as strongly when we have merely made a suggestion.

Now, if you give that same person an order and they don’t follow it, maybe because they know you are wrong….watch how vehemently you will defend your line in the sand.

Now you’ve made an enemy. And in a survival situation you don’t need enemies, you need allies.

The situation you are all in is enemy enough for all of you without creating unnecessary conflict; which brings me back to my original point – if you have observed the group diligently from the beginning, and decided they are a good group and well worth hanging with, this shouldn’t be so difficult.

If it turns out that you were wrong in your initial assessment and they are a bunch of plonkers, now would be the time to run, not walk away.

Walk, run, or even fly away when the group seems hell bent on doing the wrong thing.

You must not fear being alone. Sometimes being alone is the only way to survive.

I recommend reading this short account of plane crash survivor Juliane Koepcke - http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/07/02/germany.aircrash.survivor/index.html

All of this pre-thought and consideration will go a long way to easing the impact on you mentally, should such an event occur. If you have never considered the problems you might have to face in an emergency, at least beyond the fleeting, “I hope that never happens to me” reasoning – you could end up being one of those people sitting on their ass just giving up and dying.

Bad things happen to good people all the time. It’s not personal; it’s just the way things are. Pre-emptive consideration of the possible challenges, decisions, and repercussions will afford you better control of your own emotions.

As Ralph Emerson once said, “What goes on around you, compares little to what goes on inside you.”

Next time, we’ll look at how tough do you think you are? And it’s probably tougher than you think. You’ve just never been pushed to your limit to find out how tough!

Keynote and motivational speaker

We’ll explore ways to improve your mental toughness before you ever really need the skills.

Cheers, Terry

Have you ever been this tired..?

This should help remind the fellas about their anniversaries….(click anniversaries to follow the link.)

“He’s never been very successful. When oppurtunity knocks, he complains about the noise..” – Unknown.

This video is like a VERY weird train wreck – strange….but you’ll find your foot tappping along anyway about three minutes in..LOL

Lady Gaga  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrO4YZeyl0I

Jk: The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

“Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’ A small voice at the back of the room rang out, “And there’s the teacher, she’s dead.”

    …taking multitasking to a whole new level…

Jk. A guy walks out of a store and sees a traffic cop writing a parking ticket. He rushes over and says to the Officer,

“Come on mate, how about cutting a guy a break and tearing that up?” 

The officer ignores the man competely and finishes up by sticking the ticket under the windshield wiper.

The mad gets mad and starts insulting the cop.

“You’d think with a face like yours, you’d be a bit more forgiving of the rest of us! Even your Mother is probably hard pressed to love that disaster…”

The officer smiles and begins writing another ticket, this time for bald tires.

“Shouldn’t you be somewhere else eating a dozen donuts? It must have been at least ten minutes since your last snack, fatty!”

This infuriates the traffic cop and he starts writing another ticket for a cracked winshield.

“Even out here I can smell your breath – when was the last time you laid anything other farm animals?”

For the next twenty minutes the exchange continues, until there is at least 11 tickets under the windshield of the car.

 Then the man smiles, walks another fifty feet to his own car, and leaves….

Etrade is rocking it out with the “baby” commercials and this is a pretty good compilation of the “outtakes”… Watch long enough to hear the Wilderbeast reference… http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uHPg262Kr9c&feature=topvideos

Some funny quotes:

“My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”  
Jimmy Duran

“My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.”
Rodney Dangerfield

“We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.”  
Will Rogers 

“Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. . as you grow older, it will avoid you.”  
Winston Churchill

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” 
Groucho Marx

….of course I’m happy Dear..

I hadn’t heard about this festival in Japan until this morning, but these sculptures are amazing and well worth a look!  http://www.torontosun.com/news/world/2009/02/05/8275886.html

True Story….  A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:To: My loving wife

Subject: I’ve arrived     Date: April 6, 2006

I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!! – The Fun Hunt.com

Cheers, Terry

 

 

 

P.S. “The average American is someone who deplores violence in the street and has seen High Noon five times…” – And I quote.  Thomas Dunn Books, ST. Martin’s Press.

Because the right is not set forth in the U. S. Constitution, it is not enforceable by the courts. However, the right to the pursuit of happiness is often raised in arguments against government regulations, because its mention in the Declaration of Independence gives it a degree of forcefulness. Barron’s Law Dictionary, 2nd Ed, pg.378.

“The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness.  You have to catch it yourself.” ~ Benjamin Franklin

Hello mates!

Why don’t we start here today. Happiness obviously isn’t something someone else can provide you.

And no, the fact that the Danes seem to be the happiest people on Earth doesn’t mean they are all wandering around grinning from ear to ear like a bunch of demented lemmings, either.

It would probably be more accurate to say that the Danish people are more content with life, generally. They feel like their government cares; as indicated by the fact that their elected officials spend more money on children and old people than any other place in the world.

So, if you aren’t particularly worried about retirement, and your kids receive the best education possible without it costing you an arm and a leg, wouldn’t that purge folks of a large portion of their stressors?

Of course it does actually cost the Danes an arm and a leg. They pay more in taxes than anyone else of Earth:

In fact the income tax rate for the highest earners in Denmark is 68%!!!

The base rate for everyone else is 42%….

How in the hell can a community be paying those kinds of taxes and be anywhere near happy with their lives…?

Part of it probably resides with the fact that HealthCare is totally covered. I’m assuming their healthcare system doesn’t have anything in common with the English National Health care “fiasco”- because if it did, they would quickly drop down to number 43 on the list of happiest people on Earth neighboring the Brits. National Health Care is an oxymoron.

So presuming that they really are actually taken care of, by real doctors, and in a timely enough fashion that they don’t die before receiving the required treatment, I can begin to see why they might be so happy…but honestly, I’m still getting stuck on that exorbitant tax rate.

So what else do they have?

What about the fact that over 80% of Danes that believe in God, adhere to the same religious faith. Maybe that’s it?

But if that were a major contributing factor in being number one on the world scale of happiness, then the US would rank a pretty close second. We are predominantly a Christian based society with over 76% of the population subscribing to that belief system

• Christianity. Note that in the NSRI and ARIS studies, based on self-identification, Christianity includes: Catholic, Baptist, Protestant, Methodist/Wesleyan, Lutheran, Presbyterian, Pentecostal/Charismatic, Episcopalian/Anglican, Mormon/Latter-day Saints/LDS, Churches of Christ, Jehovah’s Witness, Seventh-Day Adventist, Assemblies of God, Holiness/Holy, Congregational/United Church of Christ, Church of the Nazarine, Church of God, Eastern Orthodox, Evangelical, Mennonite, Christian Science, Church of the Brethren, Born Again, Nondenominational Christians, Disciples of Christ, Reformed/Dutch Reformed, Apostolic/New Apostolic, Quaker, Full Gospel, Christian Reform, Foursquare Gospel, Fundamentalist, Salvation Army, Independent Christian Church, Covenant Church, Jewish Christians, plus 240,000 adults classified as “other” (who did not fall into the preceding groups).

In my opinion there is more trouble caused by religion than ever will be solved by it, but that doesn’t change the fact that we as a society tend to want to mix with people like us, and that includes a belief and value system similar to our own. The more we have in-common with each other the easier it is for us to “gel” with our neighbors.

After our last house move, I was scared: scared that we would buy a home and end up living next to some asshole who insisted on playing his drum set at 0300 in the morning. Or possibly partying it up until the cops arrived, four times a week, like some adolescent simpleton – this, by the way, was what we contended with at our last home.

It is a miracle that I am still free to walk the streets and not incarcerated in some maximum security facility for the criminally insane.

I really, really, wanted to hurt those people.

When I did finally meet my new neighbor I could see in his eyes the same concerns that were in mine. We both breathed a huge sigh of relief when it became apparent that we were both on the same page.

He insulted my English heritage by asking which part of Australia I was from, and after I corrected him insulted me further by saying if I didn’t have such a stupid confusing accent he wouldn’t have made the mistake. Then he laughed, long and heartily.

Why did this make me happy?

Because folks, if you don’t have a decent sense of humor, you will become exactly the sort of person that needs to still be running around the streets at three in the morning (while their kids aged 3+6 were still up with them) thinking you’re funny because you’ve drank 12 pints again.

No thanks. It turns out my current neighbor is the same sort of sarcastic ass I am, he makes no apologies for it, and I wouldn’t expect any friend of mine to have to. Also, he goes to bed every night nearly as early as I do – which is another bonus! LOL.

My point is, it is important that we understand where our neighbors are coming from. If they walk and talk like a duck, and you also just-so-happen to reside in a beautifully serene pond, well then, you should be a couple of happy ducks.

Religion by itself couldn’t achieve this placid state commonalities do. Things like upbringing, values, humor, sense of purpose and understanding, that’s what garners such community feelings.

The Danish government understands this too. They promote and encourage citizens to join, start, and belong to any organization that makes them happy. Over 90% of Danes belong to some sort of social club. If there isn’t a club for your particular interest, then start one and the government will help you finance getting it off the ground.

I wasn’t sure there was going to be a common under current to this when I started researching it last week; but there is. Here’s a couple more clues:

They also are a very trusting group of people. It’s not an uncommon sight to see strollers outside of coffee shops…with the babies still in them, sleeping.

Or bicycles left in stands without the three obligatory 2 inch thick chains securing them to the bars. Crime rates in Denmark are moderate in comparison to other industrialized countries.

As with just about everywhere on earth, crime rates were highest among young men (16-25) living in urban areas.

When was the last time you considered leaving something unlocked, anywhere? I can’t walk away from my truck without pushing the auto-lock key fob enough times to give me carpal tunnel syndrome…

It’s possible that a combination of factors comes into play simultaneously and that together they make up the happy numbers: But I’m still having trouble with the tax rate… J

So how do they do it?

I think I’ve already discovered the common theme linking most of what we’ve chatted about – tomorrow we’ll see if we can tie all the loose ends together and see if you agree with me…. It should be fun.

Cheers, Terry

P.S. “Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar, and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.” – George Burns.

With this week fast becoming a distant memory, I though it would be a great idea to start Fiasco Friday. So, instead of carrying topics that are work related for this fine end of the week day, I’ll be scouring the Internet and magazines looking for funny jokes, stories, escapades, adventures, quips, and ironic observations from across the globe.

Your help would be greatly appreciated, please!

If you find something that has you laughing, or pausing for thought, entertained or amazed, I’d like to hear from you! The only condition is that it has to be funny. We will be looking for things to close the week out on a positive note – so knock yourself out and send me your best. I won’t reveal more than your first name and city, (unless you want your email address posted) so I can attribute where the “quote” originated.

Spread the word and invite others to send in their best stuff too – you can post this link for them to follow: www.highintensityteambuilding.com/wordpress

Here’s a couple of things I tripped over and found funny, or entertaining, this week…

John is the kind of guy you love to hate.

He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say.  When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, “If I were any better, I would be twins!”  He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, John was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up and asked him, “I don’t get it! You can’t be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?”

He replied, “Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or … you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood.” Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or…I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it. Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or… I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

“Yeah, right, it’s not that easy,” I protested.

“Yes, it is,” he said. “Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It’s your choice how you live your life” I reflected on what he said. Soon hereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when I made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that he was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, he was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back. I saw him about six months after the accident.

When I asked him how he was, he replied, “If I were any better, I’d be twins Wanna see my scars?”

I declined to see his wounds, but I did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. “The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon-to-be born daughter,” he replied. “Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or…I could choose to die. I chose to live.”

 ”Weren’t you scared? Did you lose consciousness?” I asked.

He continued, “..the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared. In their eyes, I read ‘he’s a dead man’. I knew I needed to take action.”

“What did you do?” I asked.

“Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me,” said John. “She asked if I was allergic to anything.

 ’Yes, I replied.’

The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, ‘Gravity’.”

Over their laughter, I told them, “I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead.”

He lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude… I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully. Attitude, after all, is everything.

Submitted by Andy, Gettysburg, Pa.

IF the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles to the gallon, and explode once a year killing everyone inside. Anonymous.

Today we are addressing points 5 & 6, starting with - 95% of the audience is on your side. The other 5% is already asleep and it has nothing to do with you.

I came across an article last week that has given me incredible insight into some of the more obscure details of effective public speaking. The author was Kevin Hogan, Psy.D., (click his name to follow a link to his website) and he explained why it is so important to use the “stage” as effectively as possible.

Before we get to that though, let me first say this, your audience is most definitely on your side! How do I know? Look at it this way, have you ever sat down for a presentation and hoped really, really, hard that the person speaking screws it up? Hopefully not! Hahaha. It’s more likely you’ve sat down hoping the presenter doesn’t:

A) Bore you to tears..

B) Have some strange lisp or other distracting characteristic..

C) Let audience members hog the limelight by asking stupid questions, just to hear themsleves talk..

Or at least that’s what most people have told me when I’ve asked them…LOL

At least this is where my head is about two minutes before the speaker begins.

There is one more thing that occurs to most people in your audience, if, that is, they have ever had to give a presentation to a group themselves:

D) Thank God it’s not me having to go up there and speak today..

This is for the obvious reason that most people fear public speaking more than death itself – as we have already covered this, I won’t flog a dead horse..

The audience as a whole already feels a small amount of tension on your behalf, especially if they know this isn’t what you do!

As part of your ritual before getting up to speak, and while you are being introduced, you can now add the following to your meditation (and Autogenic breathing),

“The audience wants me to succeed”.

Now, here comes the best tit-bit I’ve learned in a while about where to stand while you speak, courtesy of Kevin Hogan, Psy.D., and it’s this:

When a right handed person looks to their right, without turning their head, they experience feelings of calm, comfort and other neutral feelings. When the same person looks to their left, they experience feelings of fear, anxiety and/or panic. This washes across into how much the individual typically enjoys the speaker.

How crazy is that?!?!

We can deduce two main things from this; firstly, if you are going to be in the audience for a presentation and you are right handed, make the most of the speaker by trying to always sit on the left side of the room so you are looking right. If you are speaking, utilize more of the left side of the stage, (left side as you stand on it looking out) so your audience (which statistically speaking will be predominantly right handed) looks to their right.

This way, even if you happen to suck during your speech, you’ve given yourself the best chance, scientifically speaking, of still getting the most out of your audience. Of course, you will never suck again! I know this because you will be using the breathing techniques we’ve chatted about, the visualization exercises and the, practice, practice, practice, philosophy to get it dead on!

So, this accounts for the 95% of the audience that is on your side; what about the 5% that isn’t, or that has already fallen asleep? Everyone has their problems, how we deal with them differs from person to person; I choose to drink heavily at night… You might turn yourself into a pretsle practicing Yoga moves; or possibly throwing poison darts at pictures of your boss helps you deal with things. Whatever gets your boat floated, is fine with me. But, there are some people out there that are just happy being, unhappy. They are miserable, nothing is going to change that, so why even try. It’s certainly not your responsibility to “change” them.

Resign yourself to the fact that someone is going to dislike what you do, how you do it, or that you are using up their valuable air.

In light of this I say breath deeply and steal as much of it as you can, hopefully accomplishing a level of aggravation for them, yet before unfelt!

Which brings us to number Six: You are afraid of making an idiot of yourself; your audience is afraid you’ll be wasting their time.

One of the hardest things to take on board, at least it was for me, was that the speech isn’t about you. You are not the center of what is going on, even though technically, you actually are. I’m not trying to confuse, I promise.

The audience is there to hear what you have to say. They are listening for the message, your point, the take aways, or maybe the entertainment aspect of your speech. They are not there to ridicule you.

They are most likely much too busy for that.

They want to get something out of it. If you deliver a speech to them knowing up front exactly what it is you want them to take with them, you will all be there for the same reason: For their benefit.

I always ask the person booking me what is it exactly that you need your group to take away from the presentation.

If the person answers we need specific scientific knowledge about such-and-such, I will gently decline the booking and hopefully refer them to someone that can provide this type of presentation. This is not what I do. And this is where you can set yourself up for as much success as possible: By analyzing what it is you do, do.

If someone has entrusted you to make a presentation at work on a topic they believe you are the most qualified to speak on, but you aren’t a funny, humorous person, don’t start trying to be one now.

Jokes usually fall flat when told by someone without an aptitude for great timing.

Your presentation isn’t the time to start finding out if this aspect of your genetic make-up has changed.

Give the audience what they expect, a passionate speech, with enthusiastic reference to all the facts, figures and details they are hoping for.

If, however, you are a funny bugger (this should be verified by an independent source) then don’t try and be all stern and business-like for your presentation.

Be you.

A few entertaining anecdotes go a long way to easing an otherwise data heavy presentation. Which might be the exact reason you were tasked with delivering it!

My presentation style is one of self-deprecating humor. On stage, or off, you’re gonna get the same thing from me – as much comedy as I can possibly interject. If you are looking for a politically correct, straight laced presentation, you’ll be barking up the wrong tree talking to me. And I’ll tell you so from the start. 

In order for the audience to not feel like you wasted their time, they must leave feeling as if they were either entertained, enlightened, improved, motivated or amazed. If you can achieve two or more of these things during your speech, you will never have wasted their time, or made an idiot of yourself. In fact, when you do achieve two or more of these things, something strange will happen – they will invite you  back! That’s when you know you got it just right…    Good Luck!!!

Cheers, Terry

www.highintensityteambuilding.com