Mastering your negative emotions – part one.
By
admin
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Published
January 25, 2010
 Life has a way of kicking your ass doesn’t it?
There are days when getting out of bed should result in your being awarded a medal of some kind. There are days when not punching that guy you see every morning in the face while he harasses you at the coffee store, or the office, should be similarly recognized…
Believe me, there are days when every person you know could be described as a hero, in some way or another.
We typically only award medals to war heroes – and in most cases they only accept them on behalf of the fallen that didn’t return with them. Even in these lofty categories there are those that stand head and shoulders above their peers.
Most of us could name a half dozen sports stars that we admire; the good ones amongst them would readily admit they are paid too much for what they do, which is why so many of them give so much of their free time in service to their communities. It helps to balance things out in the scheme of things. We can forgive the guy who lives in a 20,000 sq foot home with nine bedrooms and 8 bathrooms, because he uses some of that notoriety for something other than just building mansions to honor himself with.
How many people could answer this question: Who is Robert L. Howard? – please follow the link to the website honoring this guy, there are simply too many things that should be said about him and I can’t fit it all on todays Blog!
In order to improve our own resiliency we sometimes must be shown what others are capable of. Measuring ourselves against others is perfectly normal. We think, if he can, then I can.
It might take us a little longer to realize our own potential, occasionally, but we get there.
One of the reasons I have chosen to use Robert L. Howard as an example, is not because he was the recipient of the Distinguished Service Cross, the Silver Star, the Bronze Star, or eight Purple Hearts and even the Congressional Medal Of Honor… I’m using him because he was actually nominated for the Congressional Medal Of honor three times in a thirteen month period!!! The first two nominations were downgraded to a Distinguished Service Cross (our nations second highest award for valor) and a Silver Star (our nations third highest award for valor) – and the last nomination was also downgraded to another Distinguished Service Cross, but was later upgraded again to the Medal of Honor.
He was also wounded 14 times during his 54 months in Combat in Vietnam. I don’t believe for one second he did it all for the money…
So why did he do it?
Neither did he do it for the fame and fortune. This country was in turmoil with anti-war protests during his service in Vietnam and barely a word was spoken about this hero until many years after the war had concluded.
He did it for the men he served with. He would rather have died helping and fighting for them, than give up and let them down.
He would rather have died than let his men down.
Some of us will die without ever having really lived….
Too often these days it’s an easy choice to fall into the doom and gloom mindset – a place where if things can go wrong, they will. We use the economic climate as a scapegoat for being lethargic about our own well-being. And I don’t just mean fiscally, because although most of our happiness is woefully linked to this yard stick, we could be happy with a lot less material possessions than we currently own!
 If we still had to share our home turf with Tyrannosaurus Rex, having a bad day might mean watching the over sized lizard run off with your best friend hanging from its jaws. Now that would be a bad day….
Most folks would be less than adequately equipped, or physically capable, of going out and actually hunting their dinners down. If it didn’t come pre-packaged and ready to gnaw on, we’d be lost.
We tend to view a bad day through a very narrow field of view. We don’t have anything truly harsh with which to really compare it. For instance, let’s say today your boss chewed you out in front of everyone over something you didn’t do, but should have. And then while trying to correct the problem and redeem yourself your computer crashed losing the data needed to fulfill the task. Sounds like a pretty bad day, doesn’t it?
It sounds like a frustrating day – it doesn’t sound like a bad day. Which isn’t to say you couldn’t let it get the better of you emotionally. Lose perspective at this point, and it could deteriorate into a really horrible day. Why? Because it is at this point we begin to say things like, “isn’t this typical!” or, “the boss has always had it in for me..” Or even, “this past year has been nothing but one screw up after another and I’m never going to catch a break, ever!”
If you were to ask Robert Howard what a bad day might look like, he’d say something like, “I lost several men from my patrol today, KIA. It was my job to bring them home, and I couldn’t do it.”
Ask an Emergency room Doctor what a bad day looks like and she might say something like, “I lost two people today, one of them was a child cut from a car wreck.” Now, in both of these cases, Roberts and our fictional E.R. Doc, they may have saved multiple lives, all day, all week – even all month. But the negative emotions are the hardest to shake. They tend to be more impactful than the positive.
I believe this phenomenon is due in part to evolutionary growth and the survival of the smartest. As cavemen (and women  ) I expect there wasn’t much to laugh about. What they did chuckle at held no threat. There was little to learn from the entertaining circumstances that got them laughing, certainly nothing that would enhance the long term survival prospects of the “clan”.
Nowadays, the chances of a physically life threatening event has diminished considerably. This isn’t to say life is without any threats, but as we have already covered some of this topic in an earlier Blog, I will leave this topic alone for the time being. What we need to address is our ability to handle misfortune and take it in stride, so it doesn’t have long lasting emotional impact on our lives.
But how?
This is where your declining resiliency comes into play. The ability to master your own emotional time bomb and turn frustrating days into positive ones, depends upon your capacity to see things in perspective, and then compare it to something worse: this is what we will chat about tomorrow.
We will consider some ways for you to master your own emotional survival template and cultivate a new outlook on your bad days. We are all capable of improving how we manage our tendency to obsess over the negative emotions, and do so without falling back on modern pharmaceuticals; but it’s going to take a bit of practice!
Cheers, see you tomorrow!
Terry.
P.S. “Heroes may not be braver than anyone else. They’re just braver five minutes longer.” – Ronald Reagan
Posted in Keynote Speaking, inspired, teambuilding
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Tagged charlotte speakers, commando, community team building, community teambuilding, dance in birkdale, energetic, engaging speaker, enthusiasm, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, flash mob, funny speakers, grow participation, High Intensity, High Intensity Teambuilding, how big, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, media cameras, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, Public speaker, public speaking, recruit new members, T-mobile, team building, teambuilding, Terry Vaughan, Terry Vaughn, youtube.com/tcvaughan34
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Some of my favorite quotes.
By
admin
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Published
January 21, 2010
 Hello mates!
I thought I’d throw a few of my favorite quotes down today for ya, some good for a smile, or just food for thought.
“Vegetarianism is harmless enough, though it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness!” – Robert Hutchinson
“The salmon are striking back!” – The Queen Mother when choking on a fish bone.
“If you can’t be a good example, you’ll just have to be a horrible warning…” – Catherine Aird
“The proper means of increasing the love we bear our native country is to reside some time in a foreign one.” – William Shenstone
“Never stand so high upon a principle that you cannot lower it to suit the circumstances.” – Winston Churchill
Cheers, Terry
Posted in Keynote Speaking
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Tagged charlotte speakers, commando, community team building, community teambuilding, countdown to flash mob, dance, dance in birkdale, energetic, engaging speaker, enthusiasm, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, funny speakers, High Intensity, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, largest flash mob in NC, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, Public speaker, public speaking, quotes, recruit new members, team building
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Mastering your fear of public speaking! Part two.
By
admin
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Published
January 12, 2010
G’day mates!
I have given talks during which all of the following have happened:
A man answered a cell phone call during the speech – he left the room only after the rest of the audience glared at him hard enough that there was no way for him to stay…
Emails have been typed – both on cell phones and laptops..
A guy in the front row fell asleep. Not just nodded off for a few, I’m talking about a bloke needing to be prodded awake to stifle his snoring by the woman next to him.
For today’s purposes I’m only going to chat about the last two; I will not discuss the guy who took the phone call, he was just damned rude, and I’m still pretending he doesn’t exist…
The fact is, anyone that gets up in front of an audience to give a presentation, would like to think what they are delivering is worth their audiences time and attention. And in most cases, if you’ve done your homework on your audience, you’ll be right – they are interested and very guarded about wasting their own time and they intend to make the most of your information. But, occasionally, someone will be in the middle of the worst work day of their lives and not able to cease trying to sort things out just because of your talk.
In some cases this person will have been told they must attend this “presentation” because of the quality of the information going to be delivered, and the fact they don’t have time for it, is of no consequence to the manager.
There is also the point that everyone multitasks to different degrees. Some people can quiet comfortably handle listening to you, and getting some of their more mundane chores settled while they do. In fact some people listen better while doing busy work, doodling, or headstands at the back of the room.
One of the women I witnessed texting or emailing during my presentation approached me at the end to ask a couple of follow up questions. She also mentioned in passing that she had sent my information onto a professional contact of hers during the talk, because she like the session so much she was sure so would her acquaintance. I was quite surprised to be honest, because I hadn’t considered the possibility that some might be enjoying it so much she couldn’t wait to sh are with others.
I always thought a lack of perceived attention was a negative thing! It’s not.
Also, bear in mind that the younger the audience, the more likely it is for this scenario to occur. I organized a Community Team Building event in the form of a dancing Flash Mob a few months ago. During one of the rehearsals we broke off for a rest after running the routine through a half dozen times. Of the fifty or so students attending the rehearsal, forty of them went straight to their cell phones during the first five seconds of the break time.
To watch this happen was comical! Half them were holding conversations with the people next to them, while typing, and sending pictures of the “event” to other friends. A few years ago if I was having a conversation with someone and they suddenly broke off to start texting or emailing, I would have had a hard time not thumping them on the top of their ignorant head. One of the biggest generational differences lays in our children’s ability to instantly connect with each other.
In this case pictures were being taken, sent embedded within texts and then short blasts of highly abbreviated information was being relayed to FaceBook, Twitter, MySpace or a plethora of other social networks. I asked one student if she was emailing good or bad reports about the rehearsal. She laughed at me and replied,
“No one emails any more, it takes too long. And I was telling my closest ten friends how funny you are – so it’s good news.” HOLY CRAP! Emails take too long!!!!! I was caught somewhere between being happy I wasn’t just the old guy at the front making a fool of himself (not that I really care) and nearly shocked into sitting down that emails could be perceived as outdated and “old school”.
I remember a time when writing a letter to my wife meant licking a small square of nasty sticky paper and then having to find time to drive to a postbox, (mailbox) mail it, hope it didn’t get lost, wait a week to ten days, call and make sure it got there. And then wait another ten days for my reply….and that’s if everything went to plan!!
Here was a 16 year old telling me that email was an old school concept and took too long.
Which brings me to this final point on the topic, no matter who you are presenting to, if folks suddenly start texting (no emails now remember they are passe) during your speech it may well be that they were so inspired by your talk, they couldn’t wait to share with their friends. If you are dying a death out there, and they suddenly start texting, the whole world will know you sucked before you finish.
You might as well focus on the positive as there isn’t much you can do either way. LOL
Someone is always going to look bored out of their mind – no matter what you do.
This can affect your confidence during your speech and make you start to doubt what you are saying is of any interest to your audience at all. We tend to focus our attention on the members of the audience who seem to be most engaged; those that nod, smile back at us, or fix us with unwavering focus. Now, by all means enjoy these accolades, they will inspried you be the best presenter possible. But, do not ignore the importance of making eye contact with everyone in the room – including the grumpy old sod seemingly hell bent on making you feel like an idiot.
The gentleman I mentioned earlier that fell asleep during one of my talks and began snoring, nearly, nearly threw me for a loop. The rest of the audience seemingly was having a great time. As I had been hired to talk about survival, humor, optimism, attitude and the ability to see the bright side of everything, this could have been very unfortunate if I’d reacted negatively! Of course, neither could I just ignore it: so asked to borrow someones jacket and I covered this guys legs with it, while he slept. This tickled the rest of the group, and we let him sleep off the next twenty minutes without bothering him.
It turns out he had taken a red eye from the other side of the country to make the presentation and it wouldn’t have mattered if I was juggling balls of fire that day, he was jet-lagged, beat up from five days of travel and meetings and couldn’t keep his eyes open. After the speech concluded, he informed me that he had enjoyed what he’d been awake for enough that he was referring me to another company. I can live with that.
The grumpy guy, the guy barely awake, (or even snoring) are not doing it deliberately. Some people just look like they consistently get up on the wrong side of their bed. Do not ignore them because they make you feel uncomfortable. Handle them as if they are the difference between your presentations success or failure.
Often times, the grumpy looking bugger, also happens to be the decision maker for the company. He has a lot riding on his or her shoulders, and although they may not be giving you the instant afffirmation others in the crowd are doing, they will undoubtedly derive negative emotions from being ignored.
That’s it for today mates, I’ll wrap up this section tomorrow, in the meantime have a top-notch day and we’ll chat again soon!
Cheers, Terry.
www.highintensityteambuilding.com
Posted in Flash Mob Birkdale, Keynote Speaking, Singing Fash mob, teambuilding
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Tagged Birkdale Village, building trust, cameras, can you dance, charlotte speakers, choreography, commando, community, community team building, community teambuilding, countdown to flash mob, dance, dance in birkdale, energetic, engaging speaker, enthusiasm, example of public speaker, exciting speakers, flash mob, flash mob dance, funny speakers, grow participation, High Intensity, High Intensity Teambuilding, hip hop, how big, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, largest flash mob in NC, media, motivational speakers, motivational speakers nc, Oprah flash mob, Public speaker, public speaking, recruit new members, team building, Terry Vaughan, Terry Vaughn, youtube.com/tcvaughan34
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Community Teambuilding Event A Huge Success!
By
admin
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Published
November 27, 2009
Flash mob brings Birkdale together
More than 1,000 join in dancing event
By Sergio Tovar – Special Correspondent
Members of Rhythm in Effect Dance Studio and others perform “I Gotta Feeling” during the Birkdale flash mob.
Terry Vaughan, (right) organizer of the flash mob, said: “I hoped that we’d have this many people, but I didn’t know if we’d get them. I’m blown away.”
Huntersville’s Terry Vaughan wanted to put on a flash mob dance to bring the community together.
That vision came true on Nov. 14 at Birkdale Village when more than 1,000 people danced at the event.
Vaughan said that seeing community members of all ages dancing the choreography to the Black Eyed Peas’ “I Got a Feeling” exceeded his expectations.
“It was absolutely amazing,” he said. “I hoped that we’d have this many people, but I didn’t know if we’d get them – I’m blown away.”
Vaughan’s goal to bring the community together came true as complete strangers bonded people who already knew each other and got even closer.
Tonya Reber, a dance instructor with the Lake Norman YMCA and Rhythm in Effect Dance Studio, found out about the flash mob after a member of one of her classes e-mailed her the link to the choreography. She thought it would be fun to get a group together to attend the flash mob.
“It’s just something fun to do – something different to get everybody together,” said Reber. “We all kind of know each other from class, but then after class everybody goes home, so it’s a fun way to hang out and get to know each other better.”
Reber, who teaches Zumba and dances such as hip hop and jazz, said she learned the choreography and started teaching it in all her classes the week leading up to the event. She got a group of more than 15 women from her classes together to participate.
The group wore matching black tank tops that had the words “I Gotta a Feeling” written in pink across the chest. Reber said that Melinda Durkee, one of the women in her jazz class, owns a screen printing business and came up with the idea for the matching shirts.
“All my girls did awesome, and I’m very proud of them,” said Reber.
The event was so popular that even Huntersville’s mayor decided to participate.
“I am in total awe,” Mayor Jill Swain said after the flash mob. “This just does my whole heart good – to see the whole community get together. I just loved it.”
Swain, who was re-elected to a second term earlier this month, said that she tried to learn the dance from Vaughan’s YouTube videos, but admitted that she only knew a little bit of the choreography. But that wasn’t as important as what she witnessed.
“It was great to see the smiles on the faces of everybody as they were doing it together,” Swain said. “It was truly exhilarating.”
Vaughan, a former British Commando who owns a teambuilding company and gives talks about empowerment and self-defense among other topics, said that he plans to put another flash mob together, but he doesn’t know how or what it will be yet.
For now he’s still rejoicing from the success of his first community teambuilding event.
“It’s incredible to me how much enthusiasm everybody brought,” Vaughan said. “As soon as everybody started jumping the energy level went through the roof. It was truly fantastic.”
www.highintensityteambuilding.com
Posted in Flash Mob Birkdale, Keynote Speaking, teambuilding
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Tagged building trust, can you dance, charlotte speakers, commando, community event, community teambuilding, dance in birkdale, energetic, engaging speaker, enthusiasm, exciting speakers, flash mob, flash mob dance, funny speakers, good news, happy community event, hip hop, Keynote speaker, keynote speakers nc, motivational speakers, Oprah flash mob, Oprah inspired event, public speaking, Terry Vaughan, Terry Vaughn, youtube.com/tcvaughan34
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Another Flash Mob event is being put together and we need you to SING!!
