It doesn't look deadly yet...but wait until she lands on you.

Although modesty dictates I shouldn’t call it so, I must say I perform a miracle of sorts: I convert the entire class mentality from one of mixed consideration in regards to violence, and direct them towards their newly empowered warrior status – one where they feel comfortable embracing their capacity to commit violence in their defense.

How, I hear you ask?

By giving them an alternative scenario in which their desire for justification is spontaneously addressed. I ask them to what lengths they might go to protect a child being attacked and dragged forcibly into a stranger’s van. Oddly enough, nearly every woman, in every group, every time, would rip a man limb from limb in defense of a child…..

That is the mindset I’m looking for!!!!

Most women wouldn’t even consider themselves capable of violence, full stop. But the truth is they may never have been challenged into thinking about what they are capable of in response to a violent encounter.

The thought of defending yourself should illicit the same vehement response as the thought of defending a child.

During an attack is way too late to start wondering what you might be able to stomach doing because:

A.  In the time it takes for your brain to overcome the shock of the attack, he could have hurt you enough that you are incapable of defending yourself (this scenario applies specifically to anger rapists who are prone to excessive amounts of violence at the initiation faze of their attack).

B.  If the initial assault is performed by someone that you know (and statistically speaking this scenario is most likely) you will be inclined to try a less violent counter measure first.

C.  By implementing less violent defensive tactics first, you will be escalating your tactics in relation to his. A tit-for-tat self-defense strategy is exactly what you don’t want! If you feel threatened, react in accordance with the way you’d react defending a child being victimized the same way.

D.  You will have lost the advantage of surprise. The surprise to the bad guy is that a normally mild mannered, easy going woman, is more than capable of exacting an incredible amount of violence upon him in a short space of time; if she is in the right frame of mind.

A WOMAN IS MORE THAN CAPABLE OF HURTING A MAN IF SHE HAS PROPERLY PRE-PLANNED & DECIDED SHE CAN BEFORE AN ATTACK.

Sometimes just knowing how much trouble you are in can help. And sometimes, not so much.

Proper planning (part of the seven P’s mentioned in my last Blog) is applicable to life in general, but in this instance it applies to mentalpreparation and planning.

What are you prepared to do if you are attacked in a parking lot by someone intent on taking you somewhere else?

You need to have decided this beforehand. Not during the event.

In contrast, you might already know you would sensibly give up your purse, gold watch, diamond ring and even your vehicle, to a robber (as long as your kids aren’t already in it and we shall cover this, too, at a later date).

This point of giving up things without a fight also harks back to one of my previous Blogs about where you draw a line in the sand. At what point do you stop being compliant during an assault or a robbery?

You might decide to be compliant throughout either case and do nothing from start to finish.

As long as you have made the decision to be compliant ahead of time you will stand a much better chance of not suffering with extreme long term debilitating mental anguish as a result.  I’m not saying it won’t be hard to live with, but there is a vast amount of mental freedom in choice.

If someone chose to eat fatty food, exercise little or none at all, and then die from a heart attack – well, that was their choice, wasn’t it?  Obviously the fear of death itself wasn’t the issue or they would have changed their lifestyle.

But if someone attempts to threaten or take your life, then it is in the loss of that freedom to choose what, or who kills you that becomes such a catalyst for long term mental illness.

The oft repeated mantra becomes,

“Why did this happen to me?” Or,

“Why did they do this to me?” Or worse yet,

“Why didn’t I do more to stop them?”

It is when something like that occurs and no pre-planning mental preparation was considered, that the situation simply unfolds and you seem powerless to deal with it. You just freeze. You react contrary to everything you believe yourself to be. 

Sometimes a guy needs to know when to stop talking....

You are simply so shocked by the fact that it happened to you at all, that you continue to feel like a victim long after the assault has ended.

I would also like to point out as part of my Situational Awareness Seminar we advocate already having some sort of Victims Advocacy group contact information already in your contact list. This is because victims of assault, sexual or otherwise, show improved mental recovery rates when they had a representative of the group by their side when they gave statements to law enforcement. Top tips girls!!

And no it’s not morbid to have Pre-Planned for this contingency – it’s bloody smart Proper Planning!!

 Next week we will start having a look at whether it’s best for you to be compliant if he’s trying to take you away from the initial assault location or not. Should you fight back? Would you fight back? Send me your thoughts and comments.

We’ll also have a look at the parking lot scenario in regards to being with your kids if something like this happens – what’s your plan? It should have started with some simple observations in regards to the parking lot itself, before you even park. And then how you park can be a factor, which way you face, what type of vehicle you are in, even which way the sun is shining – all can help play a small part in decreasing the likelihood of being a victim.

Cheers, T.

PS http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,48204,00.html citizens are being asked to pay attention and call the Feds if they see things out of place to aid in the fight against terror.

I have given talks during which all of the following have happened:

A man answered a cell phone call during the speech – he left the room only after the rest of the audience glared at him hard enough that there was no way for him to stay…

Emails have been typed – both on cell phones and laptops..

A guy in the front row fell asleep. Not just nodded off for a few, I’m talking about a bloke needing to be prodded awake to stifle his snoring by the woman next to him.

For today’s purposes I’m only going to chat about the last two; I will not discuss the guy who took the phone call, he was just damned rude, and I’m still pretending he doesn’t exist…

The fact is, anyone that gets up in front of an audience to give a presentation, would like to think what they are delivering is worth their audiences time and attention. And in most cases, if you’ve done your homework on your audience, you’ll be right – they are interested and very guarded about wasting their own time and they intend to make the most of your information. But, occasionally, someone will be in the middle of the worst work day of their lives and not able to cease trying to sort things out just because of your talk.

In some cases this person will have been told they must attend this “presentation” because of the quality of the information going to be delivered, and the fact they don’t have time for it, is of no consequence to the manager.

There is also the point that everyone multitasks to different degrees. Some people can quiet comfortably handle listening to you, and getting some of their more mundane chores settled while they do. In fact some people listen better while doing busy work, doodling, or headstands at the back of the room.

One of the women I witnessed texting or emailing during my presentation approached me at the end to ask a couple of follow up questions. She also mentioned in passing that she had sent my information onto a professional contact of hers during the talk, because she like the session so much she was sure so would her acquaintance. I was quite surprised to be honest, because I hadn’t considered the possibility that some might be enjoying it so much she couldn’t wait to share with others.

I always thought a lack of perceived attention was a negative thing! It’s not.

Also, bear in mind that the younger the audience, the more likely it is for this scenario to occur. I organized a Community Team Building event in the form of a dancing Flash Mob a few months ago. During one of the rehearsals we broke off for a rest after running the routine through a half dozen times. Of the fifty or so students attending the rehearsal, forty of them went straight to their cell phones during the first five seconds of the break time.

To watch this happen was comical! Half them were holding conversations with the people next to them, while typing, and sending pictures of the “event” to other friends. A few years ago if I was having a conversation with someone and they suddenly broke off to start texting or emailing, I would have had a hard time not thumping them on the top of their ignorant head. One of the biggest generational differences lays in our children’s ability to instantly connect with each other.

In this case pictures were being taken, sent embedded within texts and then short blasts of highly abbreviated information was being relayed to FaceBook, Twitter, MySpace or a plethora of other social networks. I asked one student if she was emailing good or bad reports about the rehearsal. She laughed at me and replied,

“No one emails any more, it takes too long. And I was telling my closest ten friends how funny you are – so it’s good news.” HOLY CRAP! Emails take too long!!!!! I was caught somewhere between being happy I wasn’t just the old guy at the front making a fool of himself (not that I really care) and nearly shocked into sitting down that emails could be perceived as outdated and “old school”.

I remember a time when writing a letter to my wife meant licking a small square of nasty sticky paper and then having to find time to drive to a postbox, (mailbox) mail it, hope it didn’t get lost, wait a week to ten days, call and make sure it got there. And then wait another ten days for my reply….and that’s if everything went to plan!!

Here was a 16 year old telling me that email was an old school concept and took too long.

Which brings me to this final point on the topic, no matter who you are presenting to, if folks suddenly start texting (no emails now remember they are passe) during your speech it may well be that they were so inspired by your talk, they couldn’t wait to share with their friends. If you are dying a death out there, and they suddenly start texting, the whole world will know you sucked before you finish.

You might as well focus on the positive as there isn’t much you can do either way. LOL 

 Someone is always going to look bored out of their mind – no matter what you do.

This can affect your confidence during your speech and make you start to doubt what you are saying is of any interest to your audience at all. We tend to focus our attention on the members of the audience who seem to be most engaged; those that nod, smile back at us, or fix us with unwavering focus. Now, by all means enjoy these accolades, they will inspried you be the best presenter possible. But, do not ignore the importance of making eye contact with everyone in the room – including the grumpy old sod seemingly hell bent on making you feel like an idiot.

The gentleman I mentioned earlier that fell asleep during one of my talks and began snoring, nearly, nearly threw me for a loop. The rest of the audience seemingly was having a great time. As I had been hired to talk about survival, humor, optimism, attitude and the ability to see the bright side of everything, this could have been very unfortunate if I’d reacted negatively! Of course, neither could I just ignore it: so asked to borrow someones jacket and I covered this guys legs with it, while he slept. This tickled the rest of the group, and we let him sleep off the next twenty minutes without bothering him.

It turns out he had taken a red eye from the other side of the country to make the presentation and it wouldn’t have mattered if I was juggling balls of fire that day, he was jet-lagged, beat up from five days of travel and meetings and couldn’t keep his eyes open. After the speech concluded, he informed me that he had enjoyed what he’d been awake for enough that he was referring me to another company. I can live with that.

The grumpy guy, the guy barely awake, (or even snoring) are not doing it deliberately. Some people just look like they consistently get up on the wrong side of their bed. Do not ignore them because they make you feel uncomfortable. Handle them as if they are the difference between your presentations success or failure.

Often times, the grumpy looking bugger, also happens to be the decision maker for the company. He has a lot riding on his or her shoulders, and although they may not be giving you the instant afffirmation others in the crowd are doing, they will undoubtedly derive negative emotions from being ignored. 

That’s it for today mates, I’ll wrap up this section tomorrow, in the meantime have a top-notch day and we’ll chat again soon!

Cheers, Terry.

www.highintensityteambuilding.com

A lot of those fears originate from childhood. We all have a sort of blue print in our minds of what we think we are entitled to, be-it happiness, wealth, success, fun, toys, family size, or careers. Breaking the mold on these blue prints can be hard….very hard.

I grew up in a small town in England with not much money – by most American standards I expect all English towns are small, but this town was tiny and the roads were minuscule. Oh, and the people all have a twisted sense of humor. Most of this is brought about by the geography of the land and the general lack of sunlight.

         Lord Byron once said, “The English winter – ending in July to recommence in August.” 

Which is pretty much how it is and why so many of the English drink so heavily…. or at least that’s our story and we are sticking with it. But I digress.

My life as a young man revolved around a long list of chores, followed by a longer list of things not to do because we couldn’t afford it. Amongst this backdrop for my formative years was a Father who was a bit too heavy handed for most folks liking, but especially mine. His idea of a clip around the ear would have made Mike Tyson proud.

To say I found myself trying desperately to dodge his wrath for many perceived infractions is an understatement. I’m sure that a large portion of his frustrations lay with the lack of money as we always seemed to be one paycheck away from coming all the way up to flat broke.

I’m sure my general mischievous disposition did little to placate already tattered nerves or patience. Oops, my bad.

Growing up in this environment resulted in several things, most of which I am only able to recognize now as an adult: Firstly, I never really thought it would be possible for me to earn more than what was needed to provide the next meal. Savings and retirement were somewhat of a pipe dream… Next, any job that I held down really needed to make my life miserable in some way. This idea fit in with the notion that jobs should never be fun. Ever.

Even my own Mother once said she wanted me to get a job I hated, passionately, and suffer it for a few years so I would come to realize what life was really about. This was said to me after I expressed an interest in applying to the BBC to be a presenter for one of their shows… You see, this type of attitude is so ingrained in our psychy it’s practically genetic coding. I applied to the BBC by the way, and went to the audition, and won the part beating out 40,000 other applicants…talk about visualization! LOL.

I’ve always felt that no matter what I was doing, whether it was personal training (unsocial hours), real estate investor (unsocial, period), a builder for a construction company (I did have a great boss, but the sub-contractors, Jeaz…), all of these jobs have their limits and all of them made me miserable for one reason or another. Which only made the genetic coding very happy. As we all know, you should most definitely suffer while at work, it’s just the way things are.

Then I began speaking. No, not to myself – although you do get less backchat with this sort of occupation; of course I mean speaking to groups. Small groups, large groups, any group in fact that had a need for a speaker. Guess what, all cylinders were finally firing. I was waking up in the middle of the night with ideas and not being resentful about the lack of sleep! Why? Because I am passionate about what I do. It makes me really happy.  

The true measure of your life is happiness. Does what you do make you happy? If it does, then strive to be the best at it. Reaching for the stars as far as your own abilities is easy when the passion to perform the duties of the job are already there. If you aren’t sure if you are any good at “it” and can take some constructive criticism, then find somewhere reputable that  teaches people to do what you want to do, and then attend their class.

I attended Ty Boyds’ Excellence in Speaking Institute class here in Charlotte and learned a lot about Public Speaking. 

If what you do now doesn’t make you happy, make a change. Sometimes it’s a small change like talking to your boss about working in another department with different responsibilities – just be prepared to say why you want the change and how much better you will be in the new position. Most forward thinking corporations realize losing a valuable employee is too time and cost consuming, they will try to move someone around the bus to a different seat where possible. But, sometimes it’s a large change. And that’s when the demons we have from childhood come into play. The fear of failure, or the fear of success, they may both need to be battled if you want to chase your dreams.

You have to know you are worthy of succeeding in your new __________(fill in the blank yourself). Positive affirmation has got to start with you. Anyone can tell you that you are talented, gifted or worthy of success, but until you believe it for yourself, it will wash over your ears and be swiftly answered by the voices in your head. Mine always sounded like one or both of my parents, strangely enough…

I beat the problem starting small. Ironically the sort of touchy feely positive nonsense we are usually berated with, was too much for me to handle, so I began very small: Each night before going to sleep, I would tell myself how good I was at what I did. Or, how much I deserved the success that would come from achieving XYZ.

Now, at first, I felt like a complete moron – which is nothing new…  But I stuck with it because I wanted to change something… And any change has to start with you overcoming your own fears and insecurities. Plus small changes don’t feel so overwhelming. I want you to do the same. Say it now, in your head. And after a week or two, start saying it out loud, a few times. Say it until it doesn’t have that hollow sound to the words.

I use to teach kickboxing and I would explain to my new clients that until they felt like fighters, they would have to pretend to be fighters. They always looked at me kindof goofy when I insisted they hold their hands and feet a certain way. Especially the women.

Eventually with enough re-iteration on the finer points of a good fighting or self defense stance, they stopped rolling their eyes and began to hold their hands where they needed to be. Then it became second nature. Next, they started to move like a fighter. Their balance improved, it became harder and harder to hit them, and they began hitting me more and more. Spectators would say, “I wouldn’t want to mess with her..” Or, “I think you’ve taught that girl too well..”

The client who thought I’m never going to look like I know what I’m doing, suddenly looked as if they knew exactly what they were doing. But it started with them faking it…..repeating the process over and over until, guess what, they began to believe it.

So, for the first week of saying what ever it is you are going to say to start your mental programming, say it like you’d expect a football coach to say it. Picture the final few minutes of a really important game and everything is on the line - imagine the emotion with which the coach would be yelling it at you. Say it with true conviction. Once you have repeated one thing enough that there is no doubt in your mind it’s true, add other things.

Never say “I will eventually be ___________.” Whatever is said has to be said as if it is happening right now, in the present. Otherwise your subconscious doesn’t know how to process the information – it can only deal with the present reality. And the present reality is whatever you choose to make it. Starting with your mind first.

Start this as soon as you have decided what it is you want to be doing – otherwise you’ll be all revved up with nowhere to go, and what a waste that would be, hey??

Most people fear failure because of the perceived loss of identity in failing. It’s a small part of why public speaking holds such a great amount of horror for so many people. We don’t want to be laughed at by other people, or make an idiot of ourselves…some of us do very well doing just that by the way. Haha. But just as many people fear success as they don’t feel worthy of it.

That’s programming left over from childhood.

You can start reprogramming yourself as soon as you grow sick and tired of it enough to dedicate the time to doing so. Don’t waste another year letting issues from childhood hold you back. Your time starts now, if you choose to make it so!

Good luck and Happy New Year!!

Cheers, Terry.

www.highintensityteambuilding.com

Another flash mob planned but shhhh
CHARLOTTE – Terry Vaughan is at it again. The mastermind of Birkdale’s first flash mob is planning a second such mob but this time with a few tweaks.

First, he’s keeping the location of this event a secret until only a few minutes prior of the affair. Secondly, this flash mob will be a singing one.

On his Youtube.com channel, Vaughan, the owner of High Intensity Team Building, is asking participants to bring a red elf hat to an undisclosed Charlotte location Saturday and prepare to belt out a few bars of “Jingle Bells.”

To see the new video and find out where to meet, visit www.youtube.com/tcvaughan34.
www.highintensityteambuilding.com

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pjTOiVclMCA - follow this link to see the latest video release regarding the Singing Flash Mob. 

Remember to bring your red santa hats or red baseball cap or anything red to go on your head to be put on when the music starts… Sing your hearts out and when the music stops remove the hat and continue shopping for my Christmas gift…LOL..

If you have any questions email me at hit819@gmail.com

All I ask in return is that you please, please, resend and repost the links about the event, and invite as many of your friends to join you as possible! The more people we have the more impactful the “Mob” will be – and the better the chance we receive national exposure for a Happy Event!!!

Cheers, Terry

www.highintensityteambuilding.com